Obviously Pick up lines

What I think when I see the hottie at the gym I'm crushing on and obviously will never say it to him. UGH. Today he even used an equipment right next to me - I just looked away T_T.

So I was at the gym that I work at today talking with a couple guys I know. This smokin’ hot little blonde thing goes and uses a bench by us and we all notice her, obviously. One of the guys says to me “You better get over there and offer her some free personal training!” And I immediately replied with “Well I’m not a *certified* personal trainer. But hell, I’ve played Doctor a few times and I definitely ain’t got a PhD.”

This girl from Bulgaria obviously just shit-tested me. Our conversation has been getting stale so I gave it a fresh boost; I asked her the following question and this was her response. This is obviously a shit-test. How should I properly respond to this? **Me**: Have you been on a date recently? **Bulgarian Chick**: I don't have time for a date. Also the boys in my country are really disgusting. I can't just say, "all mens are, deep down" Please help

Credit to Michael Scott for the first part, obviously.

Now I don't eat cats, obviously, but I'll make an exception for the one between your legs!

So obviously his game playing, trying to make me jealous, and this girl who always knows what to say is stuck. =P Thanks in advance

So i met this girl on tinder. Her name is birthe and she studies for midwife (someone that helps people give birth in the hospital). Obviously this is the best chance for a great pick up line, but i can't quite find one. Can anyone help me out? Thanks!

Cute nerdy girl sits 2 seats down from me at the empty hotel bar. We chit chat for 15 mintues about work tv booze and whatnot. I want to have a cig, she doesnt smoke. I get up and say " you gonna be here for another 5 mintues?" She says "yeah ill watch your beer" as i take 2 steps away I say " I dont really care about the beer, I was just hoping youd still be here when I get back." She did one of those surprised quick audible inhales... I didnt look back. I get back from smoking and she moved to the chair next to me. I sit down and she puts her hand on my leg immediately. Conversation turned sexual quickly. She has my room key, shes coming up, she stopped at her room obviously to freshen up before it goes down. Tl;dr one line gets sex

I drink. It’s enjoyable. I think that I am a pretty good drunk too. I don't get overly emotional; I don't get angered easy; the only stupid things I do when loaded hurt me and no one else; and I don't, typically, cause shit. But, every once in a while, I will be out on the town and that little glint will surely be showing in the corner of my eye. I am stretching to remember this story as it happened in a pub that has been since renamed twice. One particular, Friday/Saturday night it was myself, a few buddies and one of my brothers. It was the brother I lived with in the area at the time and we had a treasure trove of inside jokes at all times; I could tell that outsiders found it nearly detestable being around us because they would have no fucking clue what we were talking about. A particular hilarious inside joke we had at this time came out while watching sports, particularly hockey. Our mom's side of the family was a farming family and my mom was, generally, a modern woman with all that behind her; unless you threw her in an exciting situation, then the farmer side would shine forth. This was particularly illuminated whenever she would get excited about sports and she would let out a, what sounded like from a coyote, 'yip' noise. We grew up with that noise popping out above all else at numerous soccer and football games our whole lives. For some reason, either my brother or I did it while watching the Oilers play, and presumably lose, we thought that it was the singlehanded funniest thing in the whole world. All the best comedy is just pointing out the absurdity of commonplace things; our mom's yip was to be no different. So anyways, we are at the Thirsty Turtle one particular night. I have a great crew of guys and it was a pretty great place for talking to girls; really casual and everyone got fucked up there all the time. Through some fucking miracle, I find myself sharing a small table with a young lady and I am doing my best to show her that I am not a rapist; it really is the first thing you need to establish when you are hitting on a girl at a bar; you can’t just say “hey, I’m not a rapist”, you need to use subtlety in order to convince them of your legitimacy. But my brother would walk by and every time he did he would emit that same high-pitched "yip!" I, obviously, would need to respond with the same, it wouldn't be as infinitely funny to us if I didn't. After the first yip, the girl leaned in close to me and said "what the fuck was that? Did you just bark at me?" I laughed at the absurdity of the question and in the midst of my outburst she leaned in again to say "cause I don't fuckin play that." My first thoughts were: "This isn't the first time someone has barked at you?" and "if so, what the fuck are you all about to have this be a common occurrence?" I really did think it was hilarious how serious our conversation got, but wanted to get laid; so, I picked up the slack, changed the subject, and tried to get friendly again. Things were going pretty well until my brother made another lap around the bar. "Yip", he insisted as he walked by. "YIP!" I said with zeal to respond. Needless to say, my date was very unimpressed with my hooting. She leaned in to say something presumptuous, along the lines of: "are you fucking assholes calling me a dog?" I laughed at the craziness of the situation and she got mad and was nearly yelling "Don't fucking bark at me". That glint I was talking about then surged up as if from nowhere and implanted itself on my eye. I leaned right up to her as if to whisper an apology in her ear and said "yip". She didn't say a word as she lifted her leg up, placed her foot on my stool, and pushed off. As I fell backwards I reached for anything I could grab, but there were no handles available; I can still see the lateral rotation of the room and feel my chance to get laid falling to the floor with me. I fell backwards to a luckily unattended area and the only thing that hurt was my pride. The bouncer then came up to me and said "you gotta go". I responded like a little wiener with "but she pushed ME!" He said, "I know, I saw the whole thing, she is getting kicked out the back door". I love how they kicked me out the front and her out the back as if we were to fight. Is that an Edmonton assumption? I left with my tail between my legs and went home to the doghouse again.