Same Pick up lines

The best Same pick up lines

Did you know that in a vacuum all things fall at the same rate?

Well you took my breath away and Iโ€™m falling for you. Are you falling for me at the same rate?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sasqachMike
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 16
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Girl, you and the table are the same because..

..The table is not the only thing that going to be on all 4 tonight.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NiteOwlNov
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 05
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Whatโ€™s the same about you and and my cat?

I donโ€™t know, but what I do know is that both can come quickly because of me~ (except you donโ€™t bring me a dead mouse)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/UnstableCheese
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 13
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You remind me of my pinky toe

Because you're short, cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house >>Check back tomorrow for r/pickuplinesโ€™ daily repost post. The same shit, different day!
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DailyRepostPost
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 21
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She asked if I wanna have a threemsome...

So the obvious answer is yes, I do. But here's the back story: Back in August, I slid into this girl's DMs. We exchanged a couple playful messages and that was that. I hit her back up again in September just to keep things warm. Then in October I asked, "are you almost ready?" She said, "for what?" I said, "our coffee date." She replied, "I might be ready by December lmao." She could've said that because maybe she had shit going on at the time or if she wasn't interested maybe think I'd forget about her by then. Well, I almost did lol and then I remembered today so I hit her up and said, "Since I'm nice I gave you a little extra time. You ready now?" However, she replied with "wanna have a threemsome with my future gf?" Keep in mind, we hadn't talked since October and it was about a coffee date, we don't follow each other and this was her reply. Now 9 times outta 10 if a girl asked this I'd suspect it to be some simp test or her being bored and just fucking with me with no intention of actually...fucking with me. But right when she sent this message she also looked at my profile and liked a recent (shirtless) photo of me which I don't think a girl with zero interest would do. But at the same time even girls with interest don't straight up ask if you wanna have sex, let alone a threemsome with a "future" gf? Futures gf? Which that's a whole other mindfuck. So I guess the question is, how do I respond with being open to it if it's the 1 out of 10 times she's serious about it, but also not come across as a needy simp to the effect of "omg I would love to!"
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/aquariex24
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 14
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I'd like my salad and you..

In the same way every night Both undressed
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/U2Grace
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 07
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One For The Pokรฉmon Fans

Are you an ether...cos you just raised my PP (You could also replace ether with anything with the same effect, a leppa berry for example)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Custard_Crusader
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 24
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Hug and cuddle won't be the same

Without U ;)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/where_is_my_ovacado
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 04
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3 Parter- Did hurt when you fell from heaven?

2. Just wondering, because it hurt when I did. 3. I could still walk straight after, you wonโ€™t be able to say the same when Iโ€™m done with you.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Besval10
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 24
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I was just thinking the same thing they thought when designing the keyboard,

That u and I should be together.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/festusbmm
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 14
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If I were to ask you out on a date,

Would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/anonymous0876
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 30
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Hey, whats your birthday?

Her : oh its Aug 15th. Me: oh that's funny. Thats the same birthday as my next girlfriend!
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/JackBurton12
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17
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Can you help me with a math problem? Two trains leave the same station at the same time...

One is traveling west at 85 mph, the other heading east at 75 mph. At that rate, how long will it take for you to give me your number?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lolabugsabq
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 25
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When we sit on the toilet at the same time, we create a long tube that connects your mouth to mine

We could also skip the tube and make a direct connection.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/rienik
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 14
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[Meta] Can we please ban the comment 'Nice'

Im so sick of seeing posts with pretty much all the comments being 'nice' all because of that bot that gives you points or whatever. Having 98% of comments be the same thing removes the entire purpose of the comment section, nothing relevant ever gets added now. I can only speak for myself so let me (and the mods) know what you think of this by commenting.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/accidental_escapist
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 29
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Hey you have the same name as my sister

I Wanna fuck you so I can say my sisters name repeatedly while climaxing and it wonโ€™t be as weird as when I say it while fucking my mum
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Byza_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 13
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If 2+3 and 3+2 is same...

Do you fell the same as I do?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/juliusshrestha
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 07
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Girl are you from Tennessee?

Girl: "I know this one, it's old...." "Oh really? Then what's the punchline?" Girl: "Cuz You're the only ten I see" "Oh gee, thanks!! I was gonna say the same!" uWu
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TDS_HellBlazer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 29
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Oh girl, youre my babi boo

Because all your bestie said we are the same "goรปt" ๐Ÿ˜
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mindigo41
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 13
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For use on people that donโ€™t speak the same mother tongue as you

You: Can I correct your English? To help you learn Them: Yeah you can correct me. You: Then correct me if I say we have chemistry
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Jarboner69
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 11
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Have you ever heard of an Australian kiss?

It's the same as a french kiss, but down under.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MrCOUNTCUPCAKE
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 28
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Well, I may not be good at dancing but....

complete this pickup line. a chick i've been chatting with likes to dance and goes to classes for the same. i want it to be a little flirty and clever but nothing comes to mind
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FallenKenny
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 12
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How to pick up someone from the same sex

Me: hey, i think you look cute, would you like to go out for drinks. Them: sorry i'am straight Me: so does spaghetti when it's not hot Baduuum tsss
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/femalebodyinspect007
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 04
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I like my women the same way I like my alcohol...

Aged to perfection. (Best used with women older than you)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Murican_Freedom1776
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 23
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Want to know how I went from Virgin to Gang bangs in a short time?

Not so long ago I was a video gamer. I used to play Call of Duty a lot!! For one of the games of the series I even had 52 days of game played. This is almost 2 full months of nonstop playing. I used video games as an escape from my real life that really sucked. I had no experience at the time with girls. I had no girlfriends I was just the friendzone kid, the nerd or the friend of the nerds. I was bullied as well. When I was a child, I was protected a lot. My mother was not letting me make my mistakes. I was soft on the inside. The bullies could sense that, so i was an easy target. Even if I moved school, I was still getting bullied. Also, when I had girls in my table in class I was โ€ฆ \[21:35, 13/04/2020\] Barrocas: Want to know how I went from Loser Virgin to Gang bangs in a short time? Not so long ago I was a video gamer. I used to play Call of Duty a lot!! For one of the games of the series I even had 52 days of game played. This is almost 2 full months of nonstop playing. I used video games as an escape from my real life that really sucked. I had no experience at the time with girls. I had no girlfriends I was just the friendzone kid, the nerd or the friend of the nerds. I was bullied as well. When I was a child, I was protected a lot. My mother was not letting me make my mistakes. I was soft on the inside. The bullies could sense that, so i was an easy target. Even if I moved school, I was still getting bullied. Also, when I had girls in my table in class I was just like a gay friend. Eventually I met a girl through a coworker. This was the first girl that actually got an interest in me. I even got her number. I would wait desperately when it was her turn to text me back or freak out when she didnยดt reply immediately. When she replied I had seen on internet that i should not reply right away but I was really tempted and desperate. I eventually fucked that up. I got needy and she stopped replying. Since that moment I really got pissed! I got really frustrated so I decided I had to change something otherwise I would stay in this road FOREVER! I decided to start going out by myself. First started watching some videos and i thought what I was seeing there was way out of my reality. (I was watching just random videos of pranks and then I find out that they were all these videos about "game".) Couldn't believe what i was seeing in these videos. No way that was real! Lol I went out and I first tried to talk to girls but was too hard and way to out of my comfort zone. This is where a lot of guys go WRONG and just give up. Instead I decided to accept that I sucked, and went very small. Started by asking random simple things to people like going to old people and ask for directions or the time. I just wanted to be building up over time 1% every day. During my beginnings I had a lot of friends telling me to go to hookers and I told them to F\*\* off, โ€œI am going to show you I can do it on my ownโ€. Eventually, because I was going out by myself and pushing my limits, over time I started talking to girls. (that got me in some really funny stories like being arrested by the police but that is for another time ๐Ÿคฃ) Finally after 5 months of going out i lost my virginity with a girl i approached in my town!! After 6 months found the Game community in Lisbon and met some guys I could go out with. After some time i started to get some more sporadic results and other close calls. Built my way up in the community and started organizing seminar in hotels and doing public speaking, giving value to the community. 2 years in finally found a real life mentor Dhurba Shrestha. He is what we call a "Natural" We went out for all full summer. We had a lot threesomes and gangbangs and even failed a couple of foursomes. We had a lot of fun! I learned a lot by going out with him and observing him. Became way more relaxed and natural than I was before. Now i look back and think how gamey I was. I talk way less and the impact of my words is way more powerful. Today when I say โ€œHiโ€ it has the same impact has a huge opener. He really helped me go to the next level way quicker. I never thought I could have gang bangsโ€ฆand girls actually love it!! The main thing that I learned from it was to not to be so possessive over a girl. To be able to share with another guy you must let go of that feeling of possession ( emotional attachment). So to finish off, You might think that right now you suck at talking to girls and it is difficult and hard But don't give up!! If you can't find help and you are by yourself and approaching girls is too hard for you.. Start with baby stepping!! Start talking to old people like I did and then build from there.. Slowly with time and pushing yourself a bit everyday you will start talking to girls Despite what i said previously, ideally you should not try this by yourself of course. Look for other wings to go out with, to motivate you or find someone better than you that is willing to mentor you or exchange some value so you can be around them and learn from them. Hope it was helpful Peace out ๐Ÿ˜˜
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/barrocasdiogo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 14
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Do you want to know how YOU can be less needy when talking to girls?

How can YOU be more relaxed when talking to girls? (Part 1 /2) When guys start learning game, they have the need to approach a lot and cannot relax. Because they are in their head thinking of the next move, they cannot see the signs of the women. When they approach girls start breeding fast and girls can sense that. They cannot slow down and let go of that tension. One of the key points and that can make a change in your game is to learn to relax (this comes as well with experience and self-awareness). Be aware of how you breed during the interaction and calm down, try to talk slower, you will see it will bring her attraction up. Most guys think that a good player will have all the interactions working great, but this is not the reality, you must accept the fact there is a percentage of approaches that are not fully under your control. For me the biggest change came when I started to let go of trying to control every interaction. The tension comes because you have an agenda behind your approach and its in your head during the all interaction. I am not saying you should not have a plan but don't act like you need something from her. You must feel that you could walk away at any time and you would not be affected by it. Also, I used to think in each interaction there was someone holding a frame. Whoever had the strongest frame was winning the interaction right? NO! There is an ultimate one THE COLLABORATIVE FRAME! Before that I used to go into frame battles trying desperately to win. You think she is shit testing you, she is trying to make you prove yourself. There is another way of perceiving this. Start thinking that everyone is your friend, everyone is on your team. From this place there is NO FRAME battle. There is NOTHING to WIN because there is NOTHING to COMPETE against. If you go into that collaborative frame, then another reality opens to you. Interactions become easy and effortless. You finally can actually relax and enjoy not only more and better results but the entire PROCESS itself. In summary: Learn to relax, talk slower. Accept that Success on approaching is fully under your control. Enjoy the interaction instead of focusing on the outcome but at the same time always keep moving things forward. See the interaction from a Collaborative frame and not COMPETITIVE. DON'T MISS PART 2 ON MY NEXT POST! Hope it was helpful See you on the next one ๐Ÿคซ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/barrocasdiogo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 27
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Have you ever heard of an Aussie kiss?

Itโ€™s the same as a French one but down under๐Ÿ˜‰
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Suuuky
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 18
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Do you like sleeping?.. Yes

Same, we should try it together sometime
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/eliasecool
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 14
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How to Accelerate your results in Game?

What are the 4 shifts you must go through? (Part 1/ 2) One of the core issues man have is: What are you thinking about when you are gaming? A lot of guys are WASTING a lot of their MENTAL RAM in what is the next step. What should I say next? What is she thinking about me? Does she like me? How can I sexualize more? One of the key things to do is to get free of all those worries. You should already assume that she likes you. This will free up some space and allow you to relax more in the interaction. The only thing that you should be concerned about is her logistics and if they are people around like friends who might cock block you. The main thought should be around what are the possibilities. What are the odds of getting her home? You should allow yourself to be in the moment and not be in state of doing something or trying to do something. This will allow you to be present and actually listen to the girl That's why many of your interactions end up not going anywhere... Get rid of that mental RAM usage! Only use the mental RAM for logistics, understand the current situation and move things forward. The rest is assumed! You should get to a point where you have a paradigm shift. You might get results with routines and stuff like that... However, You will figure out that the goal is not only the result You should be able to ENJOY THE ALL PROCESS and not seeing it as a job or something you are doing to the girl. STOP SEEING EVERYTHING AS A COMPETITION! For example when she is shit testing you and you think that you must win her over. Start seeing it more as a COLLABORATION where you and she are on the same team. You should be feeling EMPATHY and not COMPETITIVENESS. Instead as seeing other man as competition or cock blockers see them as your friends. Realise that NOBODY is against you. They are all part of YOUR TRIBE. This frame of mind will make you pretty much UNSTOPPABLE. You are NO LONGER in your interactions to WIN something. What happens is that you're just being NORMAL and not competing like everybody else The funny thing is girls start noticing you more. She will ask herself why is he not behaving like the other guys? She will be chasing you like you never seen before. When the quarantine is over go out and try this and let me know what changes did you see Btw don't miss PART 2 where im going to talk about the final and most important paradigm shift that will explode YOUR RESULTS.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/barrocasdiogo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 01
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WANT TO STOP FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF? FEELING NERVOUS OR ANXIOUS?

Probably right now you might be in a place you do not like, and you are using escapism actions to face that. For some it will be playing video games, watching porn, eating junk foodโ€ฆyou better than anyone know what you are doing to escape certain feelings. The question is: What are you using as an escape to avoid feeling bad about yourself? To break that pattern is not easy there are no magic pills, it is a constant work in progress. First, start thinking more about your goals. Create clear reasons to do all of them. Pitch your perfect life, pitch the perfect version of yourself, the one where you are good enough, ready for everything. Then start asking yourself what's the difference between the person you are right now and the person you want to be. What are you lacking? What goals should you accomplish in order to be that person and start writing them down. Have measurable goals so you can check on your progress. Then ask yourself from the person I am today how can I get to that person I imagine? What skills do I need to get? At the same time start by getting to know yourself better. Bring your pains into your awareness. Why do I feel this in this moment? Go deeper. What is triggering me to feel in a certain state? Why do I feel this way? Ask yourself several times this question why, why and why? Identify the moments you react disproportionality to the situation like feeling anxious to approach and other stress states. Check what triggers you. Identify the sensation and the thought that is coming up and then ask what the other situations were where you had this kind of sensations. What was the previous time that you felt that? And before that time when did you feel that? Until you find when was the first time you felt the exact fear that you are feeling right now. Try to meditate everyday: Think about what are you escaping. Think about the sensation that you feel, when you feel bad. When was the previous time that you were feeling this too? Breath into the sensations that are provoking your escapism. Accept them and let them go. You need to do this every day and have no expectations of when this will work and make the feeling go away. There are only benefits from doing it. Then use the following breathing exercise when you are feeling this: 6 seconds breathe in, 3 seconds hold, 6 seconds exhale doing โ€œshhhโ€ sound and letting go of the feeling, 3 seconds hold and again. Hope this is helpful for you to apply during this quarantine times Peace out ๐Ÿ˜˜
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/barrocasdiogo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 13
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This is crazy, you look exactly like my future wife.

Follow up with: Wow, you even have the same name
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/zwcal
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 12
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If youโ€™re looking for Johnny Bravo lines.

(This is a handpicked list of Johnny Bravo pickup lines from the 90s cartoon โ€œJohnny Bravo.โ€) Hello, 911 emergency, thereโ€™s a handsome guy in my house. Oh, Heh, wait a second, cancel that, itโ€™s only me. Hey baby, I can tell we both love the same things : Me! Oh, Momma , Iโ€™m so sweet that Iโ€™ve got a mouth full of cavities. If loving me is wrong, you donโ€™t wanna be right. Iโ€™m pretty youโ€™re pretty, wanna go home and stare at each other? Iโ€™m a thief and Iโ€™m here to steal your heart. Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice. I must be a snowflake, cause Iโ€™ve fallen for you! Iโ€™m a dancer, a romancer, youโ€™re a Capricorn, Iโ€™m a Cancer! Well baby, whatโ€™s it like looking at the man of your dreams. Wanna feel my muscles? Only a dime a minute. Gosh you smell pretty. Wanna smell me? Anybody ever tell you, Iโ€™m pretty? Hey baby, donโ€™t walk away, youโ€™re headed the wrong direction, My house is this way. I got you a birthday present, Me. Baby, youโ€™re beach front property, and Iโ€™m a tidal wave of love. Hey baby, youโ€™ve look like you have Bravo fever, and Iโ€™m just what the doctor ordered. Can you guess how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Bravopop or Johnnypop ... whatever you prefer? Wanna play TV? Iโ€™ll play with your knobs while you watch my antenna rise. [after saying she has a boyfriend] You look like the kind of girl that could use two. Girl, youโ€™re like an itchy rash. Youโ€™re hot and make me very uncomfortable.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/superfsh
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 05
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Are you a football star?

Cause I don't think we're even playing the same game.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PixelRayn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 25
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Help requested Iโ€™m programmer, she is tester

Hello! I need your help, as Iโ€™m running out of pickuplines after few weeks. In case someone is in same situation - my last one was - I came with t shirt with bug print on it and I said this t shirt is the bug we need to remove, any other ideas?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sauliusonis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 04
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In the form of a logic puzzle.

The solution to the German Tank problem states that if you confirm for certain that at least n of something exists, then the total amount of that thing is probably 2n. Therefore, if I confirm for certain that at least 1 guy likes you, then there are probably at least 2 guys that do. Now, how do we know that the number of guys that like you are at least 1? Well, the same way that you know, when countin money and starting with a nickle, that you have at least 5 cents. You don't need to know the number, you just need to confirm that one guy likes you, and then you know that at least 1 guy likes you. I am unable to assess to emotions of other guys, but despite that, I know for absolute certain that one guy likes you, and therefore that there are probably two. How do I know that?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mutant_Llama1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 03
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Hey there Iโ€™m playing detective

And you fit the description of the culprit that [made a few boys cry earlier]. Youโ€™ve got the same [beautiful eyes, cute face, sexy outfit, killer body, and smile], that Iโ€™ve been looking for all night! Iโ€™m going to have to bring you in for a one on one.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/superfsh
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 12
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I'm a man of many tongues...

So I live in a community made artificially multicultural. All kinds of curious creatures with curious ears, tongues and orifices. It's quite common to try to establish common tongues. Often in an encounter the first thing you'll ask is where are you from or you'll step up the game and try to predict it up front. French, German, Romanian, Polish, Spanish, Italian, etc. I've tried learning these and I pick them up very quickly when I try but get bored. Different ways of saying the same thing. Dressing up the same thing differently. Best pickup line for me? It's not oh I know a bit of Spanish or Italian. It's I suck and blow at speaking different languages. I only know two or three. English, Cunnilingus and a bit of Anilingus, I never beat around the bush, I'm always in beating in the bush. Either works every time or it was never meant to happen.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dogkindrepresent
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 08
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Hey, random question but by any chance you like Raisins?

Oh nice! me too so how about a date? [Counter reply to their answer to the date if they say no] Oh sweet! same here, i don't like dates too. Back Story - Been using this since i was a wittle Asian boy in primary.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TookleMyPickle
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 16
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If i asked you to have sex with me?

would the answer be the same as the answer to this question?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gingerheadman321
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18
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Pick up line for Julian?

We have the same name
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Eroticsven
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 19
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I once took Alice to Wonderland...

I'd like to do the same to you.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Lazorcat23
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 23
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Hey, if I asked you on a date...

would your answer be the same as the one to this question?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nevindicated
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 15
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he said "if you get what i mean" but i, in fact, do not get what he means

we'd been going back and forth with bad self decpreciating pick up lines on tinder for 2 or 3 days now, he said "i'd smash that mf 'turn off alarm' button if you catch my drift" but i do not catch his drift... is this a suicide joke (because like literally same)? is this a joke about turning off his alarm in the morning? i don't get it :-( does anyone know what he means, or at least have a good self deprecating pick up line i could use?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sad_dadclub
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 23
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That Time I got Kicked out of the Thirsty Turtle for Barking at a Girl.

I drink. Itโ€™s enjoyable. I think that I am a pretty good drunk too. I don't get overly emotional; I don't get angered easy; the only stupid things I do when loaded hurt me and no one else; and I don't, typically, cause shit. But, every once in a while, I will be out on the town and that little glint will surely be showing in the corner of my eye. I am stretching to remember this story as it happened in a pub that has been since renamed twice. One particular, Friday/Saturday night it was myself, a few buddies and one of my brothers. It was the brother I lived with in the area at the time and we had a treasure trove of inside jokes at all times; I could tell that outsiders found it nearly detestable being around us because they would have no fucking clue what we were talking about. A particular hilarious inside joke we had at this time came out while watching sports, particularly hockey. Our mom's side of the family was a farming family and my mom was, generally, a modern woman with all that behind her; unless you threw her in an exciting situation, then the farmer side would shine forth. This was particularly illuminated whenever she would get excited about sports and she would let out a, what sounded like from a coyote, 'yip' noise. We grew up with that noise popping out above all else at numerous soccer and football games our whole lives. For some reason, either my brother or I did it while watching the Oilers play, and presumably lose, we thought that it was the singlehanded funniest thing in the whole world. All the best comedy is just pointing out the absurdity of commonplace things; our mom's yip was to be no different. So anyways, we are at the Thirsty Turtle one particular night. I have a great crew of guys and it was a pretty great place for talking to girls; really casual and everyone got fucked up there all the time. Through some fucking miracle, I find myself sharing a small table with a young lady and I am doing my best to show her that I am not a rapist; it really is the first thing you need to establish when you are hitting on a girl at a bar; you canโ€™t just say โ€œhey, Iโ€™m not a rapistโ€, you need to use subtlety in order to convince them of your legitimacy. But my brother would walk by and every time he did he would emit that same high-pitched "yip!" I, obviously, would need to respond with the same, it wouldn't be as infinitely funny to us if I didn't. After the first yip, the girl leaned in close to me and said "what the fuck was that? Did you just bark at me?" I laughed at the absurdity of the question and in the midst of my outburst she leaned in again to say "cause I don't fuckin play that." My first thoughts were: "This isn't the first time someone has barked at you?" and "if so, what the fuck are you all about to have this be a common occurrence?" I really did think it was hilarious how serious our conversation got, but wanted to get laid; so, I picked up the slack, changed the subject, and tried to get friendly again. Things were going pretty well until my brother made another lap around the bar. "Yip", he insisted as he walked by. "YIP!" I said with zeal to respond. Needless to say, my date was very unimpressed with my hooting. She leaned in to say something presumptuous, along the lines of: "are you fucking assholes calling me a dog?" I laughed at the craziness of the situation and she got mad and was nearly yelling "Don't fucking bark at me". That glint I was talking about then surged up as if from nowhere and implanted itself on my eye. I leaned right up to her as if to whisper an apology in her ear and said "yip". She didn't say a word as she lifted her leg up, placed her foot on my stool, and pushed off. As I fell backwards I reached for anything I could grab, but there were no handles available; I can still see the lateral rotation of the room and feel my chance to get laid falling to the floor with me. I fell backwards to a luckily unattended area and the only thing that hurt was my pride. The bouncer then came up to me and said "you gotta go". I responded like a little wiener with "but she pushed ME!" He said, "I know, I saw the whole thing, she is getting kicked out the back door". I love how they kicked me out the front and her out the back as if we were to fight. Is that an Edmonton assumption? I left with my tail between my legs and went home to the doghouse again.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Osborne26
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 29
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