Again Pick up lines

The best Again pick up lines

Hey girl, are you single again?

Because without your monster you're a cookie
👤︎ u/Sadistic_Wizard
📅︎ Oct 29
🚨︎ report

What to actually say when approaching somebody

A lot of guys say “I don’t know what to say when I approach a woman,” so I decided to write this article with some tips. The thing women are most attracted to is an adventure, and a fun conversation should be an adventure where you and her are tackling a difficult, interesting, and fun subject, with you in the lead. The “value” you provide her is your leadership in the conversation, and the value she provides is that she contributes to the fun of the conversation. Your goal, therefore, is to get the conversation to a point where it is fun and interesting before she loses interest and becomes bored. To do this you must “hook” her with an opener, and then you can hopefully get the conversation to a point where you are talking about deep, fun, interesting stuff as quick as possible. **Openers** A compliment is a great opener because it implies that she has already done something to contribute to your emotional experience. You can say “Hey, you look fucking amazing” or “Hey you look fucking hot” or “Hey, I love your shoes, backpack, hair, etc…” or “I fucking love your energy and aura.” If she reacts with interest, you can follow it up with “What’s your name” or something like “You are hot, but are you nice/cool/etc…?” If a girl is having a great time and exuding joy and positivity, I will make that the basis of my compliment and say something like “You look like you are having the most fun of any person here” or “Damn, I love how you came to turn the fuck up tonight” or “Thanks for coming. This party is so much better because of you.” I can already hear you dorks squealing “you can’t tell a girl she looks hot! You will look needy, creepy, etc…” Wrong. As you will learn, creepiness is when you do more for a woman than she has done for you or than she deserves. If a girl spends a bunch of time doing her hair and makeup before she goes out and you tell her that she looks great, you are doing the right amount for her. If, however, you tell her she looks hot and she brushes you off, and then you hang around staring at her with your tongue out, THEN you look creepy. A simple and effective opener is to introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is X. What’s yours?” This is good for more formal situations where you can’t go around telling girls they look fucking hot. If you are in a party or something where everybody knows each other, you should introduce yourself to every single girl there as a matter of course. You can also keep it simple and go with “Hey, how are you?” or “What’s going on with you?” or “Hey, what’s up?” Because these statements have relatively low emotional impact, you need to deliver them with extra intensity. If a woman is mid-conversation with somebody else, you can butt in and say “Hey I’m really sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to say you look fucking amazing.” If there is a group, you can hand out compliments to the entire group, but you should quickly settle on one woman and make it clear to everybody that she is your target. If you want to get a little spicy, you can try the following: “Sorry for interrupting, but you are too hot for this place.” If you want to get extra extra spicy, you can say “you are too hot for these guys you are with.” If the girl is clearly too good for the guys she is with and is clearly unhappy with them, this can work. Otherwise, it is risky. “So, what’s your deal?” (with a sly grin) “Congratulations, what’s it like to be the hottest girl in this club?” If you have a friend with you, a very effective approach is to go up to the girls and introduce them to your friends. For some reason, this technique has been very effective for me, and I am not sure why. It might be because I am immediately giving my friend social proof in front of the women, or maybe it is because my friend does not look needy because he is technically not the one doing the approach. For whatever reason, it works. Many men approach women and immediately lose confidence or their mind goes blank. To prevent yourself from doing this, I suggest at least one follow up line to keep the conversation going. “Where were you before this?” or “What have you been up to tonight?” “What did you do today?” (This one sounds weird but it is actually very effective. Everybody is thinking about what they did that day, and it sounds like something you would hear from somebody you were close with). “What brings you here tonight?” “Have you been here before?” “Are you having a fun night?” “How do you guys know each other?” (when there are two people) For your second line, you can also use one of your other openers. For example, if you open with “hey my name is” your second line can be “you look fucking hot.” If you think those lines are corny and you think you can do better, then fuck off and think of your own. Remember, these scripted lines are back-up plans for when you cannot think of anything else. It is always better to be in the moment. What you say doesn’t matter as much as how you say it. **Deep conversation subjects** Ideally, your goal should be to get the conversation as deep as possible as quickly as possible. The purpose is for you and her to go on an adventure and “conquer” the difficult question. Here are some go-to questions I use, including my answers for these questions. What is the craziest thing you believe? (My answer: I believe in mind reading) Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens? (My answer: I am open to anything being true) What is your favorite conspiracy theory? (My answer: That Paul McCartney died in a car accident in the 60s and the current Paul McCartney is an imposter) What do you think a dream is? (My answer: a dream if your subconscious brain trying to help you solve a problem) If you could be any celebrity, who would you be? What is your idea of a perfect day? (Wake up, get high, go surfing, drink some cappuccino, have a delicious meal, fuck somebody I like) What do you think love is? (My answer: when you commit to doing the best thing for the other person, no matter what ‘the best’ is) What do you think a true friend is? (My answer: somebody who will be there for you at 3 AM). What superpower would you have if you could have any? (My answer: flying) What would you do if you had all the money in the world (My answer: buy myself an island and help poor people) What are you reading now? (My answer: whatever I am reading at that time). Other good subjects are drug stories, stories about times you did something really stupid, uplifting stories about a time when somebody was a good friend, and stories about a time you were really scared/embarrassed/uplifted/excited. Basically, any strong emotion. Because these subjects are deep, sometimes controversial, and require vulnerability, please make sure you do not say anything rude or judgmental. If you ask somebody what the craziest thing they believe is, and then you make fun of them for it after they do it, they will not open up to you again. Most people refrain from talking about subjects like this for the very reason that they are afraid of being judged. You want her to feel comfortable, open, and vulnerability. You might say “these are pretty serious subjects to bring up to a woman.” You are right – you have to find a way to talk about this stuff in a light-hearted, fun way. Take away the stigma and pressure off of these subjects and make her feel like there is no “wrong” answer and you are both there to have fun, not for anybody to “win” or make the other person feel bad. The purpose of these questions is to spark a deep, interesting conversation that touches people’s emotions: their desires, their fears, their values, etc… **Topics to Stay Away From** Stay away from anything relating to politics or religion if it something that you and her will inevitably disagree on. Also stay away from boring subjects like “what is your favorite movie or album”? That stuff is actually much less interesting and deep than people think. Stay away from exes. Stay away from subjects that could be interpreted as creepy – if you are interested in famous rapists or serial killers, you may want to keep that to yourself until you guys know each other very well.
👤︎ u/Woujo
📅︎ Dec 22
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This is an original. I came up with on the spot

This was many years ago maybe 1981 or 82. I was dancing with girl at a club. She seemed nice and she did agree to dance with me. So I wanted to say something cleaver and out of nowhere, I am Like “Would you ever consider having sex with a Complete Stranger” she gets this puzzled look and says No! Well than allow me to introduce myself, My name is Michael and I offer her my hand. She laughed and shock my hand and gave me her name. I said now we are not strangers. She laughed again. It didn’t get me laid that night, but that night lead to another date and eventually into her pants.
👤︎ u/CaptainFlyingsolo
📅︎ Feb 13
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An error has occurred, please try again!

Oh sorry but my system can't process something beautiful like you.
👤︎ u/iHardCore
📅︎ Jul 02
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Was that an earthquake?

Or did u fall from heaven again?
👤︎ u/AKPlayz1705
📅︎ Feb 16
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She asked if I wanna have a threemsome...

So the obvious answer is yes, I do. But here's the back story: Back in August, I slid into this girl's DMs. We exchanged a couple playful messages and that was that. I hit her back up again in September just to keep things warm. Then in October I asked, "are you almost ready?" She said, "for what?" I said, "our coffee date." She replied, "I might be ready by December lmao." She could've said that because maybe she had shit going on at the time or if she wasn't interested maybe think I'd forget about her by then. Well, I almost did lol and then I remembered today so I hit her up and said, "Since I'm nice I gave you a little extra time. You ready now?" However, she replied with "wanna have a threemsome with my future gf?" Keep in mind, we hadn't talked since October and it was about a coffee date, we don't follow each other and this was her reply. Now 9 times outta 10 if a girl asked this I'd suspect it to be some simp test or her being bored and just fucking with me with no intention of actually...fucking with me. But right when she sent this message she also looked at my profile and liked a recent (shirtless) photo of me which I don't think a girl with zero interest would do. But at the same time even girls with interest don't straight up ask if you wanna have sex, let alone a threemsome with a "future" gf? Futures gf? Which that's a whole other mindfuck. So I guess the question is, how do I respond with being open to it if it's the 1 out of 10 times she's serious about it, but also not come across as a needy simp to the effect of "omg I would love to!"
👤︎ u/aquariex24
📅︎ Jan 14
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I dmed a girl and she took an entire day to reply

Instead of letting my ego get in the way, I simply replied with “Mans so good at sliding into dms it left her speechless for a day” Trust me guys, it worked. Edit: Nvm guys she stopped texting again, ya boy failed :(
👤︎ u/widowmaker69420
📅︎ Jun 14
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'ey girl you on reddit?

'Cause I wanna post you over and over again.
👤︎ u/Vahnish
📅︎ Jan 12
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If you were a beer pong cup I would never win a game again

Cause I would always miss you ;)
👤︎ u/ElUranus
📅︎ Apr 10
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Damn girl, are you Jesus

Cause when I’m done with you, you won’t come again for three days
👤︎ u/ArmsguardMe
📅︎ Nov 19
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Are you leftover pizza?

I should probably get rid of you but now that I'm drunk I'ma put you in my mouth again
👤︎ u/Exceptional_Angell
📅︎ Aug 31
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Even if I fell, you wouldn't help.

Because if you did, I'll fall for you again.
👤︎ u/holyanis2
📅︎ Oct 05
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Hey good-looking, that outfit is really becoming on you

Then again, if I were on you, I'd be cumming too
👤︎ u/NearquadFarquad
📅︎ Sep 22
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Hey girl are you Julius Caesar?

Cause I wanna penetrate you over and over again ;)
👤︎ u/MyNameIsGarcia
📅︎ Sep 14
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Oh, are you a desk...

Because I want to write all over you like a 4th grader and then get in trouble for it and then get you cleaned so I never have to see you again!
👤︎ u/JimmySeit
📅︎ Sep 14
🚨︎ report

A long one about bunnies with a 0% success rate with a sample of 2.

Alright so this one is super long and super dumb but maybe it’ll get you a laugh or a restraining order. Here we go: Once upon a time there was a bunny who got lost from her home. She wandered and wandered for hours and then she came across a black bunny and asked him if he could point her the way home. To that, the black bunny replied: “sure, but you’ve gotta make me happy first.” So they fuck and then the black bunny, satisfied, points her towards the south. However, the poor bunny found herself lost again and continued to wander. But then she came across a white bunny and asked him if he could point her the way home and to that, the white bunny replied: “sure, but you’ve gotta make me happy first.” So they fuck and then the white bunny, satisfied, points her towards the east. But the poor bunny found herself lost yet again and continued to wander until she came across a brown bunny. She asked him if he could show her the way home and to that, the brown bunny replied: “sure, but you’ve gotta make me happy first.” The poor bunny is exhausted but she needs to get home so she obliged. They fuck and then the brown bunny, satisfied, points her towards the north. Finally, the bunny made her way home, but by the time she got back, she was pregnant and soon had babies. What color fur did her babies have? [person of interest throws out guesses as to what color the babies were and you tell them that all their answers are wrong.] When they give up and finally ask what color the babies are, hit em with: “sure I’ll tell you but you’ve gotta make me happy first”.
👤︎ u/rehab-detox
📅︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report

If I made out with you

How long do you reckon it would be before I woke up again?
👤︎ u/Professor_Voodoo
📅︎ Jun 26
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Are you a shot of whiskey?

Because you look like a bad decision I want to make over and over again.
👤︎ u/tradingthoughts
📅︎ Dec 16
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Hey girl do you believe in love at first sight?

Or should i walk in again?
👤︎ u/nicht-deutsch
📅︎ Jul 14
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Is attraction physical or personality?

I think attraction is 75% physical and 25% personality. But I also think physical attraction is 50% personality and 35% how you act. But then again How you act is 33% of your personality. Which means you're in mathematical fact 100% gorgeous.
👤︎ u/ComptonCribs
📅︎ Jul 03
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Instagram Flirting 👀

Once I got an Idea to hit pickup lines on Instagram. So I created anonymous account and gained some fake followers and then started DM with cheesy pickup lines. After many DMs a girl replied "Ankh se goli maar kr udda dungi😌😏". But I didn't Stop to hit more pickups 😂. But got blocked for 4 days and requested me by 'asking who are you ?' Again I hit 'Do you know me ?' She replied 'Kon hooo bhai' "Oh that's right, we've only met in my dreams" She : Aww that was cute 🥰 ...But I have a boyfriend.. sorry Me : even goal has a goalkeeper but still we score She : 😂😂😂omg!!! Ima take that from you You should follow me so I can see your insta . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And FU*K oucht
👤︎ u/mikepatell
📅︎ Jun 22
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Girl, you've got an ass so bomb

That if you flew and landed in Hiroshima, locals would think "Aw fuck not again"
👤︎ u/B1gB0ng0s
📅︎ Apr 28
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Are you the white mountains?

Cause I wanna explore every inch of you (we were both into backpacking and outdoorsy stuff). Also I just need to vent idc if anyone reads this. She was so incredibly romantic, idk how I'll ever find anyone like her (but without her flaws cause I wouldn't date anyone with them ever again) and ik that's such an only-dated-one-person thing to say but ya thats the tea
👤︎ u/Not_instant_ramen17
📅︎ May 21
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Hey girl, you wanna go out in public with me some time?

Because I'd love showing off to the entire world that you're with me. We can go anywhere you want to go. I'll buy dinner and pay for our movie tickets too. Genuinely no expectation for sex because just knowing you want to spend time with me would get me off. We can get ice creams and lick each other's flavors. Like in super slow motion. If you choke on something I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you alive because when we do have sexual intercourse it will only be with your not dead body. Every time I see you my heart does multiple somersaults inside and I wish you could somehow feel that feeling it gives me so you'd have some idea of how fully head over heels I am for you and that luscious body you're packing into that outfit of yours. When we do make sweet love to each other's bodies you will always finish first. In fact if you don't bust a lady nut I won't be busting a jizz nut either. If you send me nudes not only will I never share them with anybody else ever I will also make sure and keep them inside encrypted folders on external drives that I keep in my 6 foot fire proof safe. Any time I use them to pleasure my weiner dong I'll make sure to put the nudes back into the safe immediately. Before I even clean up the mess you made me make because I was thinking about you and you got me so horny I couldn't even properly prepare ahead of time and get the paper towels ready so I just launched the baby batter right into my belly button. And when our date is over I'm going to be waiting by my phone anxiously awaiting your next texts to find out when I can set eyes on you again. What really confuses me is how I survived all my life without you because now that I know you girl, I can't live another moment without you in my life. Ok so, pick you up around 5?
👤︎ u/muckrak3r
📅︎ Feb 20
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Are you a gym membership?

Cause I want to use you once and never again.
👤︎ u/BobertSageet
📅︎ Apr 04
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Hey girl are you a bath?

Because i want to have a toaster with you. Damn i messed it up again
👤︎ u/CavoTheCat
📅︎ Feb 25
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DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR INNER BELIEFS?

This is not a process that comes in one day. This is how I went about it. One thing you must do is to be constantly learning. Watch and follow different people and coaches and try to take and adapt the information to your specific situation. You must be always questioning what they are saying don´t just accept what they say at face value. Even experts have their own blind spots!! While I was gaming, I was following different people with different approaches, then question those approaches and take my own conclusions. So how did I shift my paradigm? I was always curious. You reinforce the paradigm you are in when you do it over and over again, and that happens because you do not question it. For me it was always about questioning. When I saw other behaviors, I asked: “Where am I doing that?" "Where am I acting like that?” It is easier to watch others and see where they are fucking up but much harder to be self-aware and see where you are fucking up. Until you bring it to your awareness!! Being curious about your own mindset, your own thoughts, your own emotions. Ask “why should I feel like this or why I assume this is normal. Is there a way to see myself that is better? I Was always questioning myself and pushing. Don´t assume what you are doing is the right thing, and that what you are doing is the best you can do. Always question it. Is what I am doing the best thing I could be doing? What alternatives are there? What reality am I assuming to be true? For example, there is the belief that game is painful and hard. Is it really? Or is what you are doing, and your perception that gives you that idea? Maybe if you shift your perception this can help you perceive it has fun. You can see rejection has a negative outcome of the interaction. Or you can see has you are playing a video game and you went up one experience point in your journey and your character is becoming stronger each interaction you go in. Instead of just thinking what “did I do wrong. I am so stupid”. You can think “what was fun in this interaction?” Shifting your perception can help you change your beliefs about yourself and what you are doing. Are you always questioning yourself: “WHY AM I DOING THIS?” A great and enlightening exercise is to Ask why I am doing this and go to the bottom of it- ask “WHY” several times in a row (at least 5 times) until you reach the deepest why. After asking these questions constantly after some time I realized that one of the main reasons I was gaming was that I was looking for validation from woman and the man in the community. I realized I was in for the wrong reasons and I was not really enjoying the process. Even when I got laid, I was not enjoying it, I was elsewhere, thinking I was getting another lay count. When I started to question those things, I stopped looking for validation. Once you realize this and let go of it, your Game starts improving. You become less worried about the outcomes of the interaction and what other people will think. Women start feeling it that you are more present, and less needy. What happens is that you feel less the need to try to control the outcome and you are carefree of it. The more you release of the need to try to control everything the better are your results. Seems counter intuitive but it is what I experienced. Because you are not good enough you think you always must keep talking. You’re afraid she is going to go away. If you get rid of that fear, do what you feel like doing. Paradoxically that is what is going to get you laid more. You must start being aware of your thoughts and how you feel, then you must start thinking that you are good enough. This comes with time while taking action and getting better, your confidence will improve, and your beliefs will shift. When you believe that you are good enough and lose the need to try and control the outcomes is when you have more control and you EXPLODE your results. Hope it was helpful Peace 😘
👤︎ u/barrocasdiogo
📅︎ Apr 07
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Do you believe in love at first sight?

Or should I walk by again?
👤︎ u/Sm3bul0ck
📅︎ Apr 09
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WANT TO STOP FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF? FEELING NERVOUS OR ANXIOUS?

Probably right now you might be in a place you do not like, and you are using escapism actions to face that. For some it will be playing video games, watching porn, eating junk food…you better than anyone know what you are doing to escape certain feelings. The question is: What are you using as an escape to avoid feeling bad about yourself? To break that pattern is not easy there are no magic pills, it is a constant work in progress. First, start thinking more about your goals. Create clear reasons to do all of them. Pitch your perfect life, pitch the perfect version of yourself, the one where you are good enough, ready for everything. Then start asking yourself what's the difference between the person you are right now and the person you want to be. What are you lacking? What goals should you accomplish in order to be that person and start writing them down. Have measurable goals so you can check on your progress. Then ask yourself from the person I am today how can I get to that person I imagine? What skills do I need to get? At the same time start by getting to know yourself better. Bring your pains into your awareness. Why do I feel this in this moment? Go deeper. What is triggering me to feel in a certain state? Why do I feel this way? Ask yourself several times this question why, why and why? Identify the moments you react disproportionality to the situation like feeling anxious to approach and other stress states. Check what triggers you. Identify the sensation and the thought that is coming up and then ask what the other situations were where you had this kind of sensations. What was the previous time that you felt that? And before that time when did you feel that? Until you find when was the first time you felt the exact fear that you are feeling right now. Try to meditate everyday: Think about what are you escaping. Think about the sensation that you feel, when you feel bad. When was the previous time that you were feeling this too? Breath into the sensations that are provoking your escapism. Accept them and let them go. You need to do this every day and have no expectations of when this will work and make the feeling go away. There are only benefits from doing it. Then use the following breathing exercise when you are feeling this: 6 seconds breathe in, 3 seconds hold, 6 seconds exhale doing “shhh” sound and letting go of the feeling, 3 seconds hold and again. Hope this is helpful for you to apply during this quarantine times Peace out 😘
👤︎ u/barrocasdiogo
📅︎ Apr 13
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The girl with no name

I matched with a girl (not)named Arya. Me: You don't seem to have a name. But it's alright, you can scream mine tonight. Arya: I will poke you with the pointy end, if you throw a Game of Thrones pun at me again. Should I marry her? I am skeptical, I like my posts read, not my wedding. Update: Me: Well, that was my plan for you later. Arya: We are probably going to die soon. I want to know what it's like before that happens.
👤︎ u/fakeidforreddit
📅︎ Apr 23
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They say angels go to heaven

So I hope I go to heaven so I can see you once again
👤︎ u/BlackJaguar7
📅︎ Mar 09
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You know there are angels in heaven...

I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again - Day 62
👤︎ u/suyashve
📅︎ Mar 06
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Please visit me at my grave...

So my heart can start beating again 💓 - Day 21
👤︎ u/suyashve
📅︎ Jan 25
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Do you believe in love at first sight?

Or should I walk by again
👤︎ u/fireborss
📅︎ Jan 14
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Excuse me, do you believe in love at first sight?

Or do I need to pass in front of you again?
👤︎ u/XcecutionS
📅︎ Nov 15
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Do you believe in love on first sight

Or should i walk past you again
👤︎ u/KlosarNiKola
📅︎ Nov 15
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Hey are you a defibrillator

Cause you make my heart want to beat again (Heard this from a friend)
👤︎ u/Ohm_B
📅︎ Oct 07
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Please visit me when I die

So my heart can start beating again.
👤︎ u/dyey_ahr
📅︎ Jul 13
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If I could reset one thing

It would be meeting you so I can fall in love all over again (Its so cheesy it might work)
👤︎ u/InfinitePie8
📅︎ Mar 18
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Hey girl do you believe in love at first sight

Or should I walk by again
👤︎ u/justapenguin9724
📅︎ Oct 01
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*while having dinner/lunch*

Me: hey there's something close to your lips She:* *wipes* * is it gone ? Me: nop She: * *wipes again* * now? Me : no, oh sorry that's beauty on your lips ! You just can't wipe it ......
👤︎ u/ASPRCSS
📅︎ Nov 22
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Tinder Match with a dead convo

A girl and i had some pretty good banter going on but we were far away any recommendations to get it going again?
👤︎ u/TheSwammer
📅︎ Jul 13
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Don't be my Haley's comet.

Coz I don't have that much of patience to see you again.
👤︎ u/Sazal1892
📅︎ Jul 01
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Do you believe in love at first sight...

or should I walk by again?
👤︎ u/ajd011394
📅︎ Jul 10
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Do you believe in love at first sight?

Or should I walk past you again?
👤︎ u/SurvivalBackpac
📅︎ May 31
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Tried to come up with two xD

Hey girl are you an Instagram story? Coz I keep swiping you right to see you again. Hey girl are you a post on reddit? Coz you're hot and have my upvote.
👤︎ u/_addyctive_
📅︎ Jun 03
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Hey are you from Tennessee?

Or do I have to walk by again?
👤︎ u/daviieeeddd
📅︎ Jan 31
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If you were a Captcha, I'd choose all your squares as fine...

Then I'd uncheck them just so that I could tap that again!
👤︎ u/Xenonomos
📅︎ Feb 12
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If The Other Person Likes To Fish- Here’s A Few For You.

You’re reely beautiful. Will you take the bait and go on a date? Nice bass baby. Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should i float by again. You don’t even have a fishing pole, yet I’m hooked on you. I got my walleye on you.
👤︎ u/VengefulVendetta
📅︎ May 04
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A little elaborate, but bear with me.

So this has to be done at a bar that uses ice cubes in their drinks. Take up a seat next to the prettiest girl there. She'll probably be wondering why you sat so close with so many empty seats. This is good---pique her interest, get her thinking about you. You order a gin soda or any other hiball (preferably something with no sugary soda). Sit there and drink quietly while you glance up at her every once in a while with maybe a smile or two. Again, keep her thinking "who is this guy and what does he want?" This is critical. Do this maybe four or five times and when she finally turns to you to ask "can I help you?" you take a piece of ice out of your glass, place it on the bar, look her dead in the eye and smash it with your cup. Then you say, in your most James Dean with Wolverine claws voice: "Now that I've broken the ice, can I buy you a drink?" Boom. Panties, meet floor.
👤︎ u/How_Majestic
📅︎ Jun 26
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Multiple Pickup lines

1. We're Going to be like Burger King and McDonalds, I'll be having it my way, and you'll be loving it. 2. Did you just smile, or did the sun come up. 3. Do you believe at love at first sight, or should I walk in again (If you mess it up just go vvvvv) 3.5 I'm sorry, you're so pretty you make me nervous..... Yeah, I'm a lonely person....
👤︎ u/RagMan4291
📅︎ Oct 01
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That shirt looks becoming on you. . .

Then again, if I were one you, I'd be cumming too.
👤︎ u/EP1CFA1L69
📅︎ Dec 28
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That Time I got Kicked out of the Thirsty Turtle for Barking at a Girl.

I drink. It’s enjoyable. I think that I am a pretty good drunk too. I don't get overly emotional; I don't get angered easy; the only stupid things I do when loaded hurt me and no one else; and I don't, typically, cause shit. But, every once in a while, I will be out on the town and that little glint will surely be showing in the corner of my eye. I am stretching to remember this story as it happened in a pub that has been since renamed twice. One particular, Friday/Saturday night it was myself, a few buddies and one of my brothers. It was the brother I lived with in the area at the time and we had a treasure trove of inside jokes at all times; I could tell that outsiders found it nearly detestable being around us because they would have no fucking clue what we were talking about. A particular hilarious inside joke we had at this time came out while watching sports, particularly hockey. Our mom's side of the family was a farming family and my mom was, generally, a modern woman with all that behind her; unless you threw her in an exciting situation, then the farmer side would shine forth. This was particularly illuminated whenever she would get excited about sports and she would let out a, what sounded like from a coyote, 'yip' noise. We grew up with that noise popping out above all else at numerous soccer and football games our whole lives. For some reason, either my brother or I did it while watching the Oilers play, and presumably lose, we thought that it was the singlehanded funniest thing in the whole world. All the best comedy is just pointing out the absurdity of commonplace things; our mom's yip was to be no different. So anyways, we are at the Thirsty Turtle one particular night. I have a great crew of guys and it was a pretty great place for talking to girls; really casual and everyone got fucked up there all the time. Through some fucking miracle, I find myself sharing a small table with a young lady and I am doing my best to show her that I am not a rapist; it really is the first thing you need to establish when you are hitting on a girl at a bar; you can’t just say “hey, I’m not a rapist”, you need to use subtlety in order to convince them of your legitimacy. But my brother would walk by and every time he did he would emit that same high-pitched "yip!" I, obviously, would need to respond with the same, it wouldn't be as infinitely funny to us if I didn't. After the first yip, the girl leaned in close to me and said "what the fuck was that? Did you just bark at me?" I laughed at the absurdity of the question and in the midst of my outburst she leaned in again to say "cause I don't fuckin play that." My first thoughts were: "This isn't the first time someone has barked at you?" and "if so, what the fuck are you all about to have this be a common occurrence?" I really did think it was hilarious how serious our conversation got, but wanted to get laid; so, I picked up the slack, changed the subject, and tried to get friendly again. Things were going pretty well until my brother made another lap around the bar. "Yip", he insisted as he walked by. "YIP!" I said with zeal to respond. Needless to say, my date was very unimpressed with my hooting. She leaned in to say something presumptuous, along the lines of: "are you fucking assholes calling me a dog?" I laughed at the craziness of the situation and she got mad and was nearly yelling "Don't fucking bark at me". That glint I was talking about then surged up as if from nowhere and implanted itself on my eye. I leaned right up to her as if to whisper an apology in her ear and said "yip". She didn't say a word as she lifted her leg up, placed her foot on my stool, and pushed off. As I fell backwards I reached for anything I could grab, but there were no handles available; I can still see the lateral rotation of the room and feel my chance to get laid falling to the floor with me. I fell backwards to a luckily unattended area and the only thing that hurt was my pride. The bouncer then came up to me and said "you gotta go". I responded like a little wiener with "but she pushed ME!" He said, "I know, I saw the whole thing, she is getting kicked out the back door". I love how they kicked me out the front and her out the back as if we were to fight. Is that an Edmonton assumption? I left with my tail between my legs and went home to the doghouse again.
👤︎ u/Osborne26
📅︎ Jan 29
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