Funny Pick up lines

But when I am, you’ll get the cocky all night

*hold out handkerchief with chloroform

Warm on the inside makes soft things hard and a shower with you would probably kill me I think its funny but probably to sexual What do you think?

Any ideas?

Are you yeast? Cause you make my baguette rise

Her : oh its Aug 15th. Me: oh that's funny. Thats the same birthday as my next girlfriend!

Because you should remove the comments spamming "Nice". Filling up the comments of every post. They make it harder to find actually good/funny comments. Edit : u/NicoleMary27, Notice me senpai, the nice comments have upwards of 100 downvotes, people don't likr those comments, please make a rule and enforce it to prevent these annoying comments

But I can't tell jokes in front of pretty girls

Aged to perfection (I know the one about “12 years old and in my basement” its funny, but terrible to use on women)

Hey girl is your name heroine? Cause I'd like to get addicted to you, and watch you fck up my life

Ones that compliment her face 😅

Can be sexy or something funny or both

Because I’m pretty funny lookin’

Not so long ago I was a video gamer. I used to play Call of Duty a lot!! For one of the games of the series I even had 52 days of game played. This is almost 2 full months of nonstop playing. I used video games as an escape from my real life that really sucked. I had no experience at the time with girls. I had no girlfriends I was just the friendzone kid, the nerd or the friend of the nerds. I was bullied as well. When I was a child, I was protected a lot. My mother was not letting me make my mistakes. I was soft on the inside. The bullies could sense that, so i was an easy target. Even if I moved school, I was still getting bullied. Also, when I had girls in my table in class I was … \[21:35, 13/04/2020\] Barrocas: Want to know how I went from Loser Virgin to Gang bangs in a short time? Not so long ago I was a video gamer. I used to play Call of Duty a lot!! For one of the games of the series I even had 52 days of game played. This is almost 2 full months of nonstop playing. I used video games as an escape from my real life that really sucked. I had no experience at the time with girls. I had no girlfriends I was just the friendzone kid, the nerd or the friend of the nerds. I was bullied as well. When I was a child, I was protected a lot. My mother was not letting me make my mistakes. I was soft on the inside. The bullies could sense that, so i was an easy target. Even if I moved school, I was still getting bullied. Also, when I had girls in my table in class I was just like a gay friend. Eventually I met a girl through a coworker. This was the first girl that actually got an interest in me. I even got her number. I would wait desperately when it was her turn to text me back or freak out when she didn´t reply immediately. When she replied I had seen on internet that i should not reply right away but I was really tempted and desperate. I eventually fucked that up. I got needy and she stopped replying. Since that moment I really got pissed! I got really frustrated so I decided I had to change something otherwise I would stay in this road FOREVER! I decided to start going out by myself. First started watching some videos and i thought what I was seeing there was way out of my reality. (I was watching just random videos of pranks and then I find out that they were all these videos about "game".) Couldn't believe what i was seeing in these videos. No way that was real! Lol I went out and I first tried to talk to girls but was too hard and way to out of my comfort zone. This is where a lot of guys go WRONG and just give up. Instead I decided to accept that I sucked, and went very small. Started by asking random simple things to people like going to old people and ask for directions or the time. I just wanted to be building up over time 1% every day. During my beginnings I had a lot of friends telling me to go to hookers and I told them to F\*\* off, “I am going to show you I can do it on my own”. Eventually, because I was going out by myself and pushing my limits, over time I started talking to girls. (that got me in some really funny stories like being arrested by the police but that is for another time 🤣) Finally after 5 months of going out i lost my virginity with a girl i approached in my town!! After 6 months found the Game community in Lisbon and met some guys I could go out with. After some time i started to get some more sporadic results and other close calls. Built my way up in the community and started organizing seminar in hotels and doing public speaking, giving value to the community. 2 years in finally found a real life mentor Dhurba Shrestha. He is what we call a "Natural" We went out for all full summer. We had a lot threesomes and gangbangs and even failed a couple of foursomes. We had a lot of fun! I learned a lot by going out with him and observing him. Became way more relaxed and natural than I was before. Now i look back and think how gamey I was. I talk way less and the impact of my words is way more powerful. Today when I say “Hi” it has the same impact has a huge opener. He really helped me go to the next level way quicker. I never thought I could have gang bangs…and girls actually love it!! The main thing that I learned from it was to not to be so possessive over a girl. To be able to share with another guy you must let go of that feeling of possession ( emotional attachment). So to finish off, You might think that right now you suck at talking to girls and it is difficult and hard But don't give up!! If you can't find help and you are by yourself and approaching girls is too hard for you.. Start with baby stepping!! Start talking to old people like I did and then build from there.. Slowly with time and pushing yourself a bit everyday you will start talking to girls Despite what i said previously, ideally you should not try this by yourself of course. Look for other wings to go out with, to motivate you or find someone better than you that is willing to mentor you or exchange some value so you can be around them and learn from them. Hope it was helpful Peace out 😘

Need some pick-up lines for tinder, might help to continue the conversation. Funny are preferable while cheesy are also welcome !!

What are the 4 shifts you must go through? (Part 1/ 2) One of the core issues man have is: What are you thinking about when you are gaming? A lot of guys are WASTING a lot of their MENTAL RAM in what is the next step. What should I say next? What is she thinking about me? Does she like me? How can I sexualize more? One of the key things to do is to get free of all those worries. You should already assume that she likes you. This will free up some space and allow you to relax more in the interaction. The only thing that you should be concerned about is her logistics and if they are people around like friends who might cock block you. The main thought should be around what are the possibilities. What are the odds of getting her home? You should allow yourself to be in the moment and not be in state of doing something or trying to do something. This will allow you to be present and actually listen to the girl That's why many of your interactions end up not going anywhere... Get rid of that mental RAM usage! Only use the mental RAM for logistics, understand the current situation and move things forward. The rest is assumed! You should get to a point where you have a paradigm shift. You might get results with routines and stuff like that... However, You will figure out that the goal is not only the result You should be able to ENJOY THE ALL PROCESS and not seeing it as a job or something you are doing to the girl. STOP SEEING EVERYTHING AS A COMPETITION! For example when she is shit testing you and you think that you must win her over. Start seeing it more as a COLLABORATION where you and she are on the same team. You should be feeling EMPATHY and not COMPETITIVENESS. Instead as seeing other man as competition or cock blockers see them as your friends. Realise that NOBODY is against you. They are all part of YOUR TRIBE. This frame of mind will make you pretty much UNSTOPPABLE. You are NO LONGER in your interactions to WIN something. What happens is that you're just being NORMAL and not competing like everybody else The funny thing is girls start noticing you more. She will ask herself why is he not behaving like the other guys? She will be chasing you like you never seen before. When the quarantine is over go out and try this and let me know what changes did you see Btw don't miss PART 2 where im going to talk about the final and most important paradigm shift that will explode YOUR RESULTS.

M-Did your donkey fell in sugar? F- No M- then what about that sweet ass😎😂

Can anyone think of three questions to ask a girl that will always result in a funny combination no matter what she chooses? For example Q1 - leather or plastic? Q2 - raccoon or pug ? Q3 - tacos or tofurkey? So say she says leather, raccoon and tacos You can be like .. well from the looks of this I’m talking to a pansexual leather wearing trash panda that likes to eat tacos . Haha Anyways .. can anyone else brainstorms some more of these ?

There was a mistake in this week's music charts. They didn't have you as the hottest single. You must be the square root of a negative because there's no way you can be real Are you my student loan cuz you got my interest (works for college plus it's funny) I'd never play hide and seek with you cuz someone like you is impossible to find I think I need to call 9-1-1 because something has just been stolen from me...my heart

1. If you had to choose one Valentine’s Day gift to receive, what would it be? 2. Let’s settle this debate: candy hearts, terrible or the absolute worst? 3. Russell Stover and come over? 4. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 ^ some flowers for you on this fine Valentine’s Day 5. Ideal Valentine’s Day dinner menu? 6. Right from the start you stole my heart. Lol, I took that from a Hallmark card…What’s up? 7. What’s your best Valentine’s Day pickup line? (Yes, this is mine.) 8. If I were to give you a Valentine, it’d be a picture of Simon Cowell that says, “It’s a yes from me” 9. *read in life alert lady voice* Help! I’ve fallen for you, and I can’t get up. 10. If you were a candy heart, what would you say? 11. I spent all night making you a Valentine. When are you free so I can give it to you? 12. Fuck, marry, kill: candy hearts, chocolate-covered strawberries, very expensive and subpar Valentine’s Day dinners 13. Hey, kinda awkward but I think my Valentine got lost in the mail? 14. You can only choose one cheesy and awful Valentine’s Day pickup line. Choose wisely: A. This Valentine’s Day, let’s make like fabric softener and Snuggle. B. Cupid called. He says that he needs my heart back. C. You’re so sweet, you could put Hershey’s out of business. D. None, but you’re funny and original. Let’s get a drink.

I need a funny pickup line to tell this guy at school. I want it to seem smooth and natural, like not too obvious, so if he reacts weird I can play it off But if you got any other good ones, comment it my dudes

What's the best, funny comeback for this pickup line?

The first pick up line is well known but yeah. I wouldn't use funny pick up lines when first meeting someone but only when you're already close and just wanna flirt. 1. Hey girl are your parents retarded? Cuz damn girl you're special. (Kind of a touchy one depending on the person) 2. Hey do you like to eat magnets? No why? Cuz I'm pretty attracted to you. 3. Do you have any peanuts in your purse? No. How about a date? 4. Hey girl are you my appendix because I don't know how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out. Lol

Is that there's only one chair and it's my face.

this app just shut down my laptop its really sad so if you can surprise me with something funny in the comments I will literally love you a lot

I’m Nigerian and am looking for sum funny ass pickup lines to use on rich white girls so I can scam them

Some of the girls that i matched with want memes but the ones i like are hardcore so if u know of any light or funny memes let me know thanks.

I really hope I'm in the right place for this I'm still kinda new to reddit. So I had this funny idea while I was looking through here. I'm not entirely sure how original it is but I don't care too much since I'll have a blast doing it. Here's the plan, get pickup lines from replies on this post and go on tinder to get some matches and use them for a video to see the reactions. I think it'll be amazing to see what you come up with and if some of these will actually work, I'll keep it up to date with screenshots and everything to be as interactive as possible. Along with shoutouts and all of the normal stuff I guess. Credit will always be given here and I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes. I'll wait until about the end of the week to see all of the matches I get and then update this thread on the amount of people I get. If I can't myself provide I'll see if I can find some voice talent too to add to quality, I can't explain how excited I am for this holy heck. Well until then, cheers! SeliphBlue

Hit me up with some funny and creative ones. Her name's Jay.

She sat and I asked what she wanted before going to the counter to order, she said double double (Canadian for two cream two sugar) so I went and ordered then brought back our drinks. I gave her the coffee and said "I didn't add any sugar because you're already sweet enough". She looked at me and said "shut the fuck up". My mom didn't find it funny, but the girl at the table next to me did. We now have a lunch date this afternoon. TL;DR Used pick up line on my mom, now have a date with a cute girl

I need some funny pick up lines that don't go too far.

I'm headed to NYC in about 1.5 months, and I'm excited to meet some people. Give me your pickup lines and help me out! These don't have to be NYC related pickup lines -- anything goes (sexual, funny, borderline retarded, awkward, etc.). I'll report back with results...maybe even pictures of those I meet if all goes well!?

Hi, guys! Basically, I want to send this girl that I've been talking for a while a photo with my cat and a wire and afterwards to say a funny pick up line regarding the wire. But all I can come with is "Are you an electrician, cuz you got me wired up?" and I just cringe at it. Can you help me with a better one? Thank you!

Funny pickup lines, Stories of ones used on you (or you have used), Anything else that is related to pickup lines. (please give credit where it is due!) Mine? I wish i had the map to your heart. (from a book of pickup lines)

The funny thing about my shoulder is... It's my penis.

I need some help with some funny/cheesy pickup lines for a girl named Laura

I drink. It’s enjoyable. I think that I am a pretty good drunk too. I don't get overly emotional; I don't get angered easy; the only stupid things I do when loaded hurt me and no one else; and I don't, typically, cause shit. But, every once in a while, I will be out on the town and that little glint will surely be showing in the corner of my eye. I am stretching to remember this story as it happened in a pub that has been since renamed twice. One particular, Friday/Saturday night it was myself, a few buddies and one of my brothers. It was the brother I lived with in the area at the time and we had a treasure trove of inside jokes at all times; I could tell that outsiders found it nearly detestable being around us because they would have no fucking clue what we were talking about. A particular hilarious inside joke we had at this time came out while watching sports, particularly hockey. Our mom's side of the family was a farming family and my mom was, generally, a modern woman with all that behind her; unless you threw her in an exciting situation, then the farmer side would shine forth. This was particularly illuminated whenever she would get excited about sports and she would let out a, what sounded like from a coyote, 'yip' noise. We grew up with that noise popping out above all else at numerous soccer and football games our whole lives. For some reason, either my brother or I did it while watching the Oilers play, and presumably lose, we thought that it was the singlehanded funniest thing in the whole world. All the best comedy is just pointing out the absurdity of commonplace things; our mom's yip was to be no different. So anyways, we are at the Thirsty Turtle one particular night. I have a great crew of guys and it was a pretty great place for talking to girls; really casual and everyone got fucked up there all the time. Through some fucking miracle, I find myself sharing a small table with a young lady and I am doing my best to show her that I am not a rapist; it really is the first thing you need to establish when you are hitting on a girl at a bar; you can’t just say “hey, I’m not a rapist”, you need to use subtlety in order to convince them of your legitimacy. But my brother would walk by and every time he did he would emit that same high-pitched "yip!" I, obviously, would need to respond with the same, it wouldn't be as infinitely funny to us if I didn't. After the first yip, the girl leaned in close to me and said "what the fuck was that? Did you just bark at me?" I laughed at the absurdity of the question and in the midst of my outburst she leaned in again to say "cause I don't fuckin play that." My first thoughts were: "This isn't the first time someone has barked at you?" and "if so, what the fuck are you all about to have this be a common occurrence?" I really did think it was hilarious how serious our conversation got, but wanted to get laid; so, I picked up the slack, changed the subject, and tried to get friendly again. Things were going pretty well until my brother made another lap around the bar. "Yip", he insisted as he walked by. "YIP!" I said with zeal to respond. Needless to say, my date was very unimpressed with my hooting. She leaned in to say something presumptuous, along the lines of: "are you fucking assholes calling me a dog?" I laughed at the craziness of the situation and she got mad and was nearly yelling "Don't fucking bark at me". That glint I was talking about then surged up as if from nowhere and implanted itself on my eye. I leaned right up to her as if to whisper an apology in her ear and said "yip". She didn't say a word as she lifted her leg up, placed her foot on my stool, and pushed off. As I fell backwards I reached for anything I could grab, but there were no handles available; I can still see the lateral rotation of the room and feel my chance to get laid falling to the floor with me. I fell backwards to a luckily unattended area and the only thing that hurt was my pride. The bouncer then came up to me and said "you gotta go". I responded like a little wiener with "but she pushed ME!" He said, "I know, I saw the whole thing, she is getting kicked out the back door". I love how they kicked me out the front and her out the back as if we were to fight. Is that an Edmonton assumption? I left with my tail between my legs and went home to the doghouse again.