Had Pick up lines

The best Had pick up lines

If I had a dollar for everytime I think of you.... I would have a dollar

Coz you never leave my mind.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Khukundi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 08
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had to rate you out of 10

You'd be a 9 anna half - a pun pickup for girls named anna
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/EviL-FeaR
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 21
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Have you had the COVID vaccine?

Cuz Iโ€™ve got something youโ€™ll be begging for a second dose of tonight
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Dacsy492
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I had to rate you on a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate you a 7.

Because 7 is considered a lucky number, which is how I felt when I met you.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sarcasticpremed
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 01
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

You must have had COVID-19

Because you had no taste before you met me.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sarcasticpremed
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 29
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day,

*I would be holding a galaxy.*
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/anonymous0876
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 21
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Have you had seafood recently?

Because the world would be your oyster with me
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/augu5tu5gl00p
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 25
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you,

I could walk forever in my garden.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/doezitzmatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a penny for every time I thought of you,

Iโ€™d have exactly one cent, because you never leave my mind.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/anonymous0876
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 01
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I was wondering if you had an extra heart?

*Mine seems to have been stolen*
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/anonymous0876
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a nickel for every time I thought of you...

Iโ€™d have a nickel, because Iโ€™ve never stopped
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Piece-Of-Ham
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 11
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

girl if you were mine, I would treat you like my homework..........I would slam you on the table and do you all night.

never actually had the ball's to try it on a girl but anyone want to try go ahead
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Expensive_Session_92
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 04
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If we had a staring contest..

I would win cause I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you ๐Ÿฅฐ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/that1kidinthecornerr
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 15
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a room full of art, you'd be the only thing in it.

(Tell me if this works for y'all)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/-STYGIAN
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 25
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I thought I had all the snacks I needed for quarantine

, but looks like I missed one ๐Ÿ˜‰
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/subtleshooter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 22
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Have you ever had your own personal plumber?

If not, Iโ€™m always willing to clean your pipes ;)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DirtyPineappleFaygo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 07
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

A long one, but I've had a 100% reply rate from around 50 uses

Feel free to copy and paste: Imagine you and I are in a grocery store. We're in the produce section. You see me. I see you. We exchange a good-natured smile. You can't help but notice something odd about me: I'm carrying a large amount of limes. It puzzles you, but you go back to your shopping nonetheless. After a while, you see me start to walk past you. As I do so, I spill the limes all over the floor around you. Exasperated, I bend down to pick them up. I do a poor job of it, spilling two every time I pick one up. Eventually, I stop and look up at you with a nervous grin and say "I'm so sorry, ma'am. I'm no good at pickup limes."
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MrEAnonymously
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 19
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Iโ€™ve never had an oxytocin rush

Can you help me achieve one?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nopthepotatostarch
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 09
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If someone had you in his life, he's going to hell

Cuz he have already consumed his part of heaven.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/most45
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 19
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If i had to choose between breathing and loving you...

I'd take my last breath to say "i Love you"
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Noli_30
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 04
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

What to actually say when approaching somebody

A lot of guys say โ€œI donโ€™t know what to say when I approach a woman,โ€ so I decided to write this article with some tips. The thing women are most attracted to is an adventure, and a fun conversation should be an adventure where you and her are tackling a difficult, interesting, and fun subject, with you in the lead. The โ€œvalueโ€ you provide her is your leadership in the conversation, and the value she provides is that she contributes to the fun of the conversation. Your goal, therefore, is to get the conversation to a point where it is fun and interesting before she loses interest and becomes bored. To do this you must โ€œhookโ€ her with an opener, and then you can hopefully get the conversation to a point where you are talking about deep, fun, interesting stuff as quick as possible. **Openers** A compliment is a great opener because it implies that she has already done something to contribute to your emotional experience. You can say โ€œHey, you look fucking amazingโ€ or โ€œHey you look fucking hotโ€ or โ€œHey, I love your shoes, backpack, hair, etcโ€ฆโ€ or โ€œI fucking love your energy and aura.โ€ If she reacts with interest, you can follow it up with โ€œWhatโ€™s your nameโ€ or something like โ€œYou are hot, but are you nice/cool/etcโ€ฆ?โ€ If a girl is having a great time and exuding joy and positivity, I will make that the basis of my compliment and say something like โ€œYou look like you are having the most fun of any person hereโ€ or โ€œDamn, I love how you came to turn the fuck up tonightโ€ or โ€œThanks for coming. This party is so much better because of you.โ€ I can already hear you dorks squealing โ€œyou canโ€™t tell a girl she looks hot! You will look needy, creepy, etcโ€ฆโ€ Wrong. As you will learn, creepiness is when you do more for a woman than she has done for you or than she deserves. If a girl spends a bunch of time doing her hair and makeup before she goes out and you tell her that she looks great, you are doing the right amount for her. If, however, you tell her she looks hot and she brushes you off, and then you hang around staring at her with your tongue out, THEN you look creepy. A simple and effective opener is to introduce yourself. โ€œHi, my name is X. Whatโ€™s yours?โ€ This is good for more formal situations where you canโ€™t go around telling girls they look fucking hot. If you are in a party or something where everybody knows each other, you should introduce yourself to every single girl there as a matter of course. You can also keep it simple and go with โ€œHey, how are you?โ€ or โ€œWhatโ€™s going on with you?โ€ or โ€œHey, whatโ€™s up?โ€ Because these statements have relatively low emotional impact, you need to deliver them with extra intensity. If a woman is mid-conversation with somebody else, you can butt in and say โ€œHey Iโ€™m really sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to say you look fucking amazing.โ€ If there is a group, you can hand out compliments to the entire group, but you should quickly settle on one woman and make it clear to everybody that she is your target. If you want to get a little spicy, you can try the following: โ€œSorry for interrupting, but you are too hot for this place.โ€ If you want to get extra extra spicy, you can say โ€œyou are too hot for these guys you are with.โ€ If the girl is clearly too good for the guys she is with and is clearly unhappy with them, this can work. Otherwise, it is risky. โ€œSo, whatโ€™s your deal?โ€ (with a sly grin) โ€œCongratulations, whatโ€™s it like to be the hottest girl in this club?โ€ If you have a friend with you, a very effective approach is to go up to the girls and introduce them to your friends. For some reason, this technique has been very effective for me, and I am not sure why. It might be because I am immediately giving my friend social proof in front of the women, or maybe it is because my friend does not look needy because he is technically not the one doing the approach. For whatever reason, it works. Many men approach women and immediately lose confidence or their mind goes blank. To prevent yourself from doing this, I suggest at least one follow up line to keep the conversation going. โ€œWhere were you before this?โ€ or โ€œWhat have you been up to tonight?โ€ โ€œWhat did you do today?โ€ (This one sounds weird but it is actually very effective. Everybody is thinking about what they did that day, and it sounds like something you would hear from somebody you were close with). โ€œWhat brings you here tonight?โ€ โ€œHave you been here before?โ€ โ€œAre you having a fun night?โ€ โ€œHow do you guys know each other?โ€ (when there are two people) For your second line, you can also use one of your other openers. For example, if you open with โ€œhey my name isโ€ your second line can be โ€œyou look fucking hot.โ€ If you think those lines are corny and you think you can do better, then fuck off and think of your own. Remember, these scripted lines are back-up plans for when you cannot think of anything else. It is always better to be in the moment. What you say doesnโ€™t matter as much as how you say it. **Deep conversation subjects** Ideally, your goal should be to get the conversation as deep as possible as quickly as possible. The purpose is for you and her to go on an adventure and โ€œconquerโ€ the difficult question. Here are some go-to questions I use, including my answers for these questions. What is the craziest thing you believe? (My answer: I believe in mind reading) Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens? (My answer: I am open to anything being true) What is your favorite conspiracy theory? (My answer: That Paul McCartney died in a car accident in the 60s and the current Paul McCartney is an imposter) What do you think a dream is? (My answer: a dream if your subconscious brain trying to help you solve a problem) If you could be any celebrity, who would you be? What is your idea of a perfect day? (Wake up, get high, go surfing, drink some cappuccino, have a delicious meal, fuck somebody I like) What do you think love is? (My answer: when you commit to doing the best thing for the other person, no matter what โ€˜the bestโ€™ is) What do you think a true friend is? (My answer: somebody who will be there for you at 3 AM). What superpower would you have if you could have any? (My answer: flying) What would you do if you had all the money in the world (My answer: buy myself an island and help poor people) What are you reading now? (My answer: whatever I am reading at that time). Other good subjects are drug stories, stories about times you did something really stupid, uplifting stories about a time when somebody was a good friend, and stories about a time you were really scared/embarrassed/uplifted/excited. Basically, any strong emotion. Because these subjects are deep, sometimes controversial, and require vulnerability, please make sure you do not say anything rude or judgmental. If you ask somebody what the craziest thing they believe is, and then you make fun of them for it after they do it, they will not open up to you again. Most people refrain from talking about subjects like this for the very reason that they are afraid of being judged. You want her to feel comfortable, open, and vulnerability. You might say โ€œthese are pretty serious subjects to bring up to a woman.โ€ You are right โ€“ you have to find a way to talk about this stuff in a light-hearted, fun way. Take away the stigma and pressure off of these subjects and make her feel like there is no โ€œwrongโ€ answer and you are both there to have fun, not for anybody to โ€œwinโ€ or make the other person feel bad. The purpose of these questions is to spark a deep, interesting conversation that touches peopleโ€™s emotions: their desires, their fears, their values, etcโ€ฆ **Topics to Stay Away From** Stay away from anything relating to politics or religion if it something that you and her will inevitably disagree on. Also stay away from boring subjects like โ€œwhat is your favorite movie or albumโ€? That stuff is actually much less interesting and deep than people think. Stay away from exes. Stay away from subjects that could be interpreted as creepy โ€“ if you are interested in famous rapists or serial killers, you may want to keep that to yourself until you guys know each other very well.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Woujo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 22
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Hey girl, did you know that every girl I've ever had sex with has come three times, screamed out loud and proclaimed their undying love for me when we finally finished?

So anyways, I was thinking you and I should lose our virginity to each other, what do you think?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/OneQuadrillionOwls
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 19
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Hey baby you ever had your a** licked by a fatman in a trench coat

Me either. But since I got your attention do you have a moment to talk about our Lord n savior
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Boredquarantine520
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 27
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Because mine is stolen!

How good was it
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MunchkinGaming
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 05
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Hey girl, are you my homework?

Because you're probably really really good for me and it would be a good idea for me to try and persue you in hopes of self improvement but I'm just lying here thinking about it instead of actually fucking doing anything about it and it's making me feel horrible about myself. Perhaps I don't even deserve the benefits and emotional confidence I'd have earned from you had I just engaged and tried to be a better person. I'm going to die alone, dreaming of the life I could have had, had I just learned to act, rather than dream. Also uhhh because I should be slamming you on my desk and doing you all night hehehehehehehehehe. You don't have to answer. Good Night
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Pheww_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 18
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a penny for every time I've heard about coronavirus I'd have...

Your number?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SurrealSanta
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 12
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Just thought of this and had to write it down

If a girl you like posts a snap story of her walking on the beach, ask her โ€œWhat do you and crushed sand have in common?โ€ โ€œYouโ€™re both fine as FUCKโ€ ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DVCatfishCowboy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 22
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

if I had jack sparrows compass

it'd be pointing at you
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bulay786
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 19
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

She asked if I wanna have a threemsome...

So the obvious answer is yes, I do. But here's the back story: Back in August, I slid into this girl's DMs. We exchanged a couple playful messages and that was that. I hit her back up again in September just to keep things warm. Then in October I asked, "are you almost ready?" She said, "for what?" I said, "our coffee date." She replied, "I might be ready by December lmao." She could've said that because maybe she had shit going on at the time or if she wasn't interested maybe think I'd forget about her by then. Well, I almost did lol and then I remembered today so I hit her up and said, "Since I'm nice I gave you a little extra time. You ready now?" However, she replied with "wanna have a threemsome with my future gf?" Keep in mind, we hadn't talked since October and it was about a coffee date, we don't follow each other and this was her reply. Now 9 times outta 10 if a girl asked this I'd suspect it to be some simp test or her being bored and just fucking with me with no intention of actually...fucking with me. But right when she sent this message she also looked at my profile and liked a recent (shirtless) photo of me which I don't think a girl with zero interest would do. But at the same time even girls with interest don't straight up ask if you wanna have sex, let alone a threemsome with a "future" gf? Futures gf? Which that's a whole other mindfuck. So I guess the question is, how do I respond with being open to it if it's the 1 out of 10 times she's serious about it, but also not come across as a needy simp to the effect of "omg I would love to!"
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/aquariex24
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 14
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Response to "Your name must be Earl Grey, because.."

Today on Bumble, a guy used the pickup line- Your name must be Earl Grey, because you're a real Hot-Tea And I was asked if I had any pickup lines too. I said: Were you responsible for Boston tea party? He said: No, little before my time And I finished by saying: Because looking at you, the tea got wet.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/itratjameel
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 06
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I'm sorry I had an accident

I slipped and fell right into your heart
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/zlogonjepissa
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 16
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a soul, you'd be my soulmate.

Haven't tried it, but I think it would be good for those with a dark sense of humour.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AussieMircrowave
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 09
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Until I met you depression had total dictatorship over me...

but when I saw you, your smile brought a revolution to my heart.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PeterPale
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 17
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I ever had pancakes, can you be my honey to sweeten up my day?

or maple syrup which can be guaranteed :))
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/just_adhenz
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 14
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Roses are red, 60 seconds is a minute

If I had a white van, Iโ€™d want you in it
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DingusTickler007
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 25
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Baby, are you the vaccine?

Because youโ€™re the best damn news Iโ€™ve had all year
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wolf_ricky
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 13
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If only I had a star for everytime you brightened my day

Her: what happens then? Me: I would be holding a galaxy
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gopher_knight1620
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If i had 4 quarters for the 4 prettiest whamen *ahem* women in the world.....

You'd have a dollar
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Durkrui
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 09
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a coin every time I would make out with you I could buy a bread...

... during Weimar Republic
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/snekiter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 04
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Always had a thing for bad b*tches with thicc thighs

Girls like you are a sight to sore eyes. Let's go out before the time flies?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/B0rN__
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I had to visit a dentist after you gave me liplock

Cuz you were sweet enough to give me toothache.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mvnsvdq
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Never had the courage to ask you out on Valentine's...

So, Will you be my quarantine partner for Corona time? - Day 78
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/suyashve
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 24
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a penny for everytime I thought about you, I would have exactly one cent.

Cause you never left my mind.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RajuNeupane
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 15
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

You are like a dream...

...and the most beautiful one I have ever had.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/greenhulk2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I told you that you had a nice body

Would you hold it against me?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kschomer05
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 05
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I had an interesting dream last night

I forgot most of it, but I remember the most important part. You.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Fatman9693
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 19
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had to give you a vegetable...

I'd give you a root
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/musingsofmadness
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 21
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I told you that you had a beautiful bodyโ€ฆ

Would you hold it against me?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RyRyGuy104
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 31
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a dollar for every time I saw a girl as hot as you

Iโ€™d be broke
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thiccboi68419
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 14
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I just had to go to the hospital.

The doctor say Iโ€™m missing Vitamin U.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HUDZUM
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 20
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I've already had tea for breakfast.

But it could've been better if you came before tea.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/maaaangi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 08
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Damn baby, are you hitler?

Cuz even if you had a tiny mustache, Iโ€™d still kill for you ๐Ÿ˜…
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SkizzyLeBizzy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 18
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Hey girl are you the coronavirus?

Because if I had you, I wouldn't leave the house for 2 weeks either
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/GoldenGoat1997
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 08
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had a dollar for everytime I thought of you

Iโ€™d have $1 because I never stop thinking about you:)
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dannydon03
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 14
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I were a taxidermist and you had a pet donkey that died...

Would you let me stuff that ass?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NotAGiraffe57
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 18
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

This one will get you a girlfriend

If I had a pennie for everytime you enter my mind I'd have one pennie. because you never leave
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NorthenS
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 19
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had to buy you a lifetime supply of makeup

I'd choose L'Oreal, because you're worth it!
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/resu_suomynonA
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 06
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

The size of the ship doesnโ€™t matter. Itโ€™s all about the motion of the ocean and the captains experience. So, can I take a dive your ocean?

I know itโ€™s a little long but I just thought of it and I had to write it down before I forgot.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/esairoman00
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives.

Because he never met you!
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/snlc1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 26
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Hey girl are you one part of an emoticon?

Because we'd both be very happy if I had my D up against your colon
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/anchoviesonapizza
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 02
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

How I get boys to talk to me at bars

Junior Year of College when I first started going to bars on Thursday nights, I was getting into the Juul. I didnโ€™t have my own but when ever I was at a bar and some guy had a juul Iโ€™d ask them if I could hit it. Theyโ€™d let me, Iโ€™d smoke it for a minute. Then give it back. After that, they would always try to talk to me. So eventually I used the โ€œcan I hit your juulโ€ to start convos with guys at shitty college bars. No longer gonna be my pick up line with Covid tho. And I quit juul too haha.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lizbradley33
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 15
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I was once asked if I had to choose between

Living happy for the rest of my life without find my true love, or find my true love without ever being happy. But the problem is I'll never be happy without you.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TreyLastname
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 06
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Are you a bowl of aรงaรญ (or any food yโ€™all havenโ€™t tried yet)?

Because I... 1. Never had you before 2. Be willing to try you 3. Bet you taste delicious
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Disabled_Doggo27
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 27
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Damn girl, you must be sweet

โ€˜Cause you lookinโ€™ extra high-fructose. Edit: lmao, this popped into my head while I was making a sandwich and I just had to share.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/KugelBlitzSparks
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 20
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had to give a quarter to the 4 prettiest girls on earth,

Youโ€™d be a dollar richer
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MysteriousBread
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 11
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

I had a dream of us together

Wanna make it reality?
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RainIsNice28
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

If I had four quarters for each of the most beautiful people in this world...

Youโ€™d be a dollar richer.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/I-Come-Pre-Cooked
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 03
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

You know how subway had $5 footlongs?

Well I have something you can get for about tree fiddy.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Rokdout
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 01
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Iโ€™m a heavy dude/former slovenly lothario and this one worked almost every time.

FYI: This is the condensed version. I had to work for it. It wasnโ€™t as simple as just a few sentences. โ€œHey there! Iโ€™m Dave.โ€ ((makes small talk...tries to get date)) Her: โ€œYeah, thanks but no thanks.โ€ Me: โ€œWhy not? Is it my size? I mean, yeah, Iโ€™m fat, but so?โ€ Her: โ€œYou said it, not me.โ€ Me: โ€œAh, come on. There are a ton of guys out there named Dave I bet youโ€™d go out with, but have you ever been out with a ton of guy named Dave?โ€ Her: ((laughs...panties drop))
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/damronhimself
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 25
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

A long one about bunnies with a 0% success rate with a sample of 2.

Alright so this one is super long and super dumb but maybe itโ€™ll get you a laugh or a restraining order. Here we go: Once upon a time there was a bunny who got lost from her home. She wandered and wandered for hours and then she came across a black bunny and asked him if he could point her the way home. To that, the black bunny replied: โ€œsure, but youโ€™ve gotta make me happy first.โ€ So they fuck and then the black bunny, satisfied, points her towards the south. However, the poor bunny found herself lost again and continued to wander. But then she came across a white bunny and asked him if he could point her the way home and to that, the white bunny replied: โ€œsure, but youโ€™ve gotta make me happy first.โ€ So they fuck and then the white bunny, satisfied, points her towards the east. But the poor bunny found herself lost yet again and continued to wander until she came across a brown bunny. She asked him if he could show her the way home and to that, the brown bunny replied: โ€œsure, but youโ€™ve gotta make me happy first.โ€ The poor bunny is exhausted but she needs to get home so she obliged. They fuck and then the brown bunny, satisfied, points her towards the north. Finally, the bunny made her way home, but by the time she got back, she was pregnant and soon had babies. What color fur did her babies have? [person of interest throws out guesses as to what color the babies were and you tell them that all their answers are wrong.] When they give up and finally ask what color the babies are, hit em with: โ€œsure Iโ€™ll tell you but youโ€™ve gotta make me happy firstโ€.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/rehab-detox
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 03
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

What had 36 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk?

My zipper.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Donald_Trump_Himself
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 28
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

When I was born I had two choices. One was to have a perfect memory and the other was to have a huge penis.

Unfortunately I can't remember which one I chose.
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Chanandler_Bong7
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 30
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report