Such Pick up lines

I'm already in ICU after matching with you.

Dis a point ment for you

Next to mine.

MAY I HAVE THEM?

It stands up so you have somewhere to sit down 🤪 - Day 31

It'll even stand up and give you somewhere to sit

Because you're such a QT.

because they made such a cutie pie! 😉

Then where did they get such bad graphics?

Cause there’s no other way to explain why you such a cutie-pie

Hey are you able to provide first aid? because to meet such incredible girl live I have to go through a stroke.

Because you are such a sweet date

Cause you suck. And you *ruined* me. You wiped out my life's savings over petty credit purchases. You broke me down mentally to a point where I was done with life and isolating myself. You're such a cruel, heartless bitch that you convinced my boss to "lay me off". And then, here's the worst part you self centred bastard, you "tried to fix things". Bullshit. Nothing that broken could have been fixed by your ineffective means... You can't just give me a small gift and expect everything to heal. I can't pay for a more than 60% increase in my spendings because of you! And now my depression that your awfulness directly caused is affecting my friends too. Act like the way you speak and fix your character, you do nothing wreck. Oh and give me my gold bullion back, you lying whore. I don't have any other money for food and you aren't helping me out here.

Because you're such a Cutiemundi.

Cause I wanna explore every inch of you (we were both into backpacking and outdoorsy stuff). Also I just need to vent idc if anyone reads this. She was so incredibly romantic, idk how I'll ever find anyone like her (but without her flaws cause I wouldn't date anyone with them ever again) and ik that's such an only-dated-one-person thing to say but ya thats the tea

You deserve butter. Cuz you're such a cutie pie

cause you’re such a Cutie.

I have created the perfect formula for helping my guy friends pick up chicks in bars. Men, all you need is one female friend or buddy’s girlfriend (let’s call her Hannah) to help and the hot chick you want to meet needs to be at the bar. Step 1: Hannah goes up to bar next to the hot chick you want to pick up. Step 2: Hannah compliments the hot chick on literally anything (“omg I love your hair color who is your stylist?” “wow that jacket is awesome, where can I find one” etc.). We all love talking to chicks who say nice things about us. Step 3: While Hannah is chatting up hot girl on her right, you are buying three shots on her left. Step 4: You offer a shot to Hannah while she is still chatting up hot chick. Step 5: Hannah (loudly) claims she can’t find her boyfriend who the third shot was purchased for. Since Hannah and hot chick are now BFFs, she turns to hot chick and says the following “My friend Jake here bought my boyfriend and I a shot but we can’t find him anywhere, do you want to take it with us?” Introduce yourself. Offer hot girl the shot. Emphasize that Hannah’s boyfriend disappeared, etc. Step 6: Hot girl ALWAYS says yes because hot girls at bars love free shots. Step 7: Hannah takes a shot. Tells Lexi (all hot girls are named Lexi) it was nice to meet her, and dips out. You are left chatting up Lexi, buy her a drink, drunkenly make out with her in a corner after 2 hours, etc.p Why does this work? 1. When Hannah compliments Lexi (aka hot chick), Lexi automatically likes Hannah and sees that she’s totally normal and super nice. 2. By you being friends with Hannah, it makes you seem like a regular cool guy and you must be great if you have such cool female friends. 3. Because you’re buying shots, you also seem like a pretty cool dude. Everyone loves the guy who buys people shots. 4. And most importantly, because Hannah lies about her boyfriend being in the bathroom or wherever, hot chick knows you two aren’t hooking and that Hannah is not a threat. Hannah wins because she gets a free shot. Lexi wins because she gets a free shot and gets to meet a cool person like yourself. You win because awesome hot chicks like us let you buy us shots. Go forth and conquer, my friends.

Because no such thing exists

Because I sure do want to kill myself. However, the possibility of an afterlife instills me with abounding despair, for if there truly is a Heaven, then equally as true must be a Hell. Given the uncountable sins of my lifetime heretofore, it is with absolute certainty that my eternal soul would be condemned to the lake of fire, should it exist at all. O' how sweet the thought of endless oblivion! A serene nothingness that lasts thoughout all of time, and is over at once. Beyond the heat death of our universe, a multi-trillion year sempiternity to those who wake, I would glide in an instant. Knowing such a nonexistence awaited me at my death has been my only comfort for many years. However, laying eyes upon you has all but abolished that comfort. Your angelic presence casts doubt upon such a fate. For how could one as beautiful as you originate from a realm other than Paradise?

Fun fact, great astral objects such as galaxies and planets actually do exhibit a small amount of gravitational force on people, but because they're so far away and our own Earth's gravity is so strong, we don't really notice it. In fact, it's less than the gravity of another human standing a few feet away form you! *Which means,* that when I pull you in for a kiss, it's because I love you with more force than all the moons and stars in the midnight sky.

Because you have such desirable booty!

because 4.54 billion years of evolution is just not enough for such beautiful creation!