Floor Pick up lines

_I was told this is a great icebreaker. Did it work?_

Because I bet you're used to all the stares by now.

My love for you is like Shirogane's window beam

Because I would be down to spend billions to drill you with reckless abandon

Cuz if not then bye

Cuz i can do you right here

Feel free to copy and paste: Imagine you and I are in a grocery store. We're in the produce section. You see me. I see you. We exchange a good-natured smile. You can't help but notice something odd about me: I'm carrying a large amount of limes. It puzzles you, but you go back to your shopping nonetheless. After a while, you see me start to walk past you. As I do so, I spill the limes all over the floor around you. Exasperated, I bend down to pick them up. I do a poor job of it, spilling two every time I pick one up. Eventually, I stop and look up at you with a nervous grin and say "I'm so sorry, ma'am. I'm no good at pickup limes."

Because you're taking my breath away.

Cause I want to stick my caulk in your holes.

Because you make my knees weak.

“Cause I’m allergic to feathers.” Then proceed to vomit all over her and the floor.

Cause I want to repeatedly bounce you off the floor and throw you into a hole where you will plummet to the floor at high velocity.

coz i want to smash the hell out of you (floor gang aaoouuggghhhhh)

Because if you were unexpectedly on my bedroom floor right now I'd be going down on you whether I liked it or not.

Because I wanna smash you on the floor, wall, and table.

but it would look better on my bedroom floor.

But they would look better on my bedroom floor

cause id like to fuck you up on the floor

Because you make me breakdance on the floor.

bc i wanna seize you and have you collapse on an airport terminal floor and be pronounced dead at age 22

Because I will Pick you Up Bang you to the floor and then complain about my back

So this has to be done at a bar that uses ice cubes in their drinks. Take up a seat next to the prettiest girl there. She'll probably be wondering why you sat so close with so many empty seats. This is good---pique her interest, get her thinking about you. You order a gin soda or any other hiball (preferably something with no sugary soda). Sit there and drink quietly while you glance up at her every once in a while with maybe a smile or two. Again, keep her thinking "who is this guy and what does he want?" This is critical. Do this maybe four or five times and when she finally turns to you to ask "can I help you?" you take a piece of ice out of your glass, place it on the bar, look her dead in the eye and smash it with your cup. Then you say, in your most James Dean with Wolverine claws voice: "Now that I've broken the ice, can I buy you a drink?" Boom. Panties, meet floor.

met a girl briefly in my lift yesterday. i live in halls and she lives one floor above me. matched on tinder today. help me how to start this

...but it would look better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s^2.

Your dress would look better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.81 m/s2...

Because your pelvic floor is definitely going to.

I drink. It’s enjoyable. I think that I am a pretty good drunk too. I don't get overly emotional; I don't get angered easy; the only stupid things I do when loaded hurt me and no one else; and I don't, typically, cause shit. But, every once in a while, I will be out on the town and that little glint will surely be showing in the corner of my eye. I am stretching to remember this story as it happened in a pub that has been since renamed twice. One particular, Friday/Saturday night it was myself, a few buddies and one of my brothers. It was the brother I lived with in the area at the time and we had a treasure trove of inside jokes at all times; I could tell that outsiders found it nearly detestable being around us because they would have no fucking clue what we were talking about. A particular hilarious inside joke we had at this time came out while watching sports, particularly hockey. Our mom's side of the family was a farming family and my mom was, generally, a modern woman with all that behind her; unless you threw her in an exciting situation, then the farmer side would shine forth. This was particularly illuminated whenever she would get excited about sports and she would let out a, what sounded like from a coyote, 'yip' noise. We grew up with that noise popping out above all else at numerous soccer and football games our whole lives. For some reason, either my brother or I did it while watching the Oilers play, and presumably lose, we thought that it was the singlehanded funniest thing in the whole world. All the best comedy is just pointing out the absurdity of commonplace things; our mom's yip was to be no different. So anyways, we are at the Thirsty Turtle one particular night. I have a great crew of guys and it was a pretty great place for talking to girls; really casual and everyone got fucked up there all the time. Through some fucking miracle, I find myself sharing a small table with a young lady and I am doing my best to show her that I am not a rapist; it really is the first thing you need to establish when you are hitting on a girl at a bar; you can’t just say “hey, I’m not a rapist”, you need to use subtlety in order to convince them of your legitimacy. But my brother would walk by and every time he did he would emit that same high-pitched "yip!" I, obviously, would need to respond with the same, it wouldn't be as infinitely funny to us if I didn't. After the first yip, the girl leaned in close to me and said "what the fuck was that? Did you just bark at me?" I laughed at the absurdity of the question and in the midst of my outburst she leaned in again to say "cause I don't fuckin play that." My first thoughts were: "This isn't the first time someone has barked at you?" and "if so, what the fuck are you all about to have this be a common occurrence?" I really did think it was hilarious how serious our conversation got, but wanted to get laid; so, I picked up the slack, changed the subject, and tried to get friendly again. Things were going pretty well until my brother made another lap around the bar. "Yip", he insisted as he walked by. "YIP!" I said with zeal to respond. Needless to say, my date was very unimpressed with my hooting. She leaned in to say something presumptuous, along the lines of: "are you fucking assholes calling me a dog?" I laughed at the craziness of the situation and she got mad and was nearly yelling "Don't fucking bark at me". That glint I was talking about then surged up as if from nowhere and implanted itself on my eye. I leaned right up to her as if to whisper an apology in her ear and said "yip". She didn't say a word as she lifted her leg up, placed her foot on my stool, and pushed off. As I fell backwards I reached for anything I could grab, but there were no handles available; I can still see the lateral rotation of the room and feel my chance to get laid falling to the floor with me. I fell backwards to a luckily unattended area and the only thing that hurt was my pride. The bouncer then came up to me and said "you gotta go". I responded like a little wiener with "but she pushed ME!" He said, "I know, I saw the whole thing, she is getting kicked out the back door". I love how they kicked me out the front and her out the back as if we were to fight. Is that an Edmonton assumption? I left with my tail between my legs and went home to the doghouse again.